Here are the best Chuck Norris jokes and memes that you will find on the internet… with a few inventions of our own. These jokes can be very funny because Chuck Norris already has a famous reputation for his personality and… invincibility. Let’s get warmed up with a few jokes and memes before looking at our all-time leaderboard of the best Chuck Norris jokes.
Funniest Chuck Norris Jokes and Memes
Before we look at the all-time jokes leaderboard, let’s laugh with memes featuring some of the best jokes:
Champions are breakfast for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris’ calendar skips April 1st because nobody fools Chuck Norris.
Some children pee their names in the snow. Chuck Norris can pee his name onto concrete.
Chuck Norris is so talented that he can wheelie on a unicycle.
Related post: view the funniest Chuck Norris Memes.
Chuck Norris doesn’t cry. He makes onions cry instead.
Let’s now have a look at the all-time leaderboard of the most upvoted Chuck Norris jokes!
All-Time Most Upvoted Chuck Norris Jokes [Leaderboard]
Now that you’re a bit warmed up, let’s look at the all-time leaderboard… and make sure you upvote your favorite Chuck Norris jokes (No account is required to upvote):
- 581Chuck Norris recently sold his pee as a canned beverage.Read moreRead lessIt’s now called Red Bull.
- 528A long time ago, Chuck Norris reached the point of no return...Read moreRead lessand he returned.
- 517Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer.Read moreRead lessIt's just unfortunate that he never cries.
- 492Chuck Norris was on the Titanic...Read moreRead less
- 466Boa biting Chuck NorrisRead moreRead less
- 429Chuck Norris does not need to read books.Read moreRead lessHe stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
- 424When Chuck Norris lifts weights...Read moreRead less... the weights get more of a workout than Chuck Norris.
- 402Chuck Norris wrote a diaryRead moreRead lessit is called the Guinness Book Of World Records.401
- 401Chuck Norris once had a heart attack.Read moreRead lessHis heart lost.
- 400Will Smith's Wife and Chuck NorrisRead moreRead less
- 399Chuck Norris can strangle you...Read moreRead lesswith a cordless phone.
- 391Killing two birds with one stone?Read moreRead lessChuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
- 391When Chuck Norris plays dodgeballRead moreRead lessthe balls avoid him out of fear.
- 388Chuck Norris uses StonehengeRead moreRead lessto play Jenga
- 379Chuck Norris doesn't shower,Read moreRead lesshe takes baths in his opponent's blood.
- 378Some children pee their names in the snow.Read moreRead lessChuck Norris can pee his name onto concrete.
- 373The dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once.Read moreRead lessThen they went extinct.
- 357Breakfast of champions?Read moreRead lessChampions are breakfast for Chuck Norris.
- 345The fluRead moreRead lessThe flu gets a Chuck Norris shot every year.
- 329Time waits for nobodyRead moreRead lessExcept one man named Chuck Norris.
- 328Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch.Read moreRead lessHe decides what time it is.
- 321Chuck Norris doesn't cry.Read moreRead lessHe makes onions cry instead.
- 315Chuck Norris is so talented thatRead moreRead lesshe can wheelie on a unicycle.
- 303Chuck Norris is able to clap...Read moreRead less... with one hand only
- 300Some people drown...Read moreRead lessChuck Norris can make fish drown.
- 297Some men have a testicle larger than the other...Read moreRead lessFor Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other
- 292Chuck Norris is the first personRead moreRead lessto make a McDonald's Happy Meal cry.
- 291Instead of coffee in the morning,Read moreRead lessChuck Norris drinks a mug of nails
- 289Chuck Norris' calendar skips April 1stRead moreRead lessbecause nobody fools Chuck Norris.
- 271Trying to tie your shoes quickly?Read moreRead lessChuck Norris can tie his shoes with only his feet.
- 267Chuck Norris can light a fireRead moreRead lesswith an ice cube
- 256With rain...Read moreRead lessChuck Norris can build a snowman.
- 256Chuck Norris flavoring his steakRead moreRead lessChuck Norris adds flavor to his steaks with pepper spray.
- 251Chuck Norris invented airplanesRead moreRead lessbecause he was tired of being the only person that could fly.
- 228Chuck Norris breathes air …Read moreRead lessabout five times per day.
- 223Gas prices don't affect Chuck Norris.Read moreRead lessHis car drives on empty.
- 210Have you tried this?Read moreRead lessChuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
- 207When Chuck Norris does a pushup,Read moreRead lesshe's pushing the Earth down.
- 201Chuck Norris doesn't blink.Read moreRead lessHe doesn't need to.
- 191When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctorRead moreRead lessNever slap Chuck Norris. (some doctors hold babies upside down and slap their back just after birth)
- 189Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin.Read moreRead lessIts descendants are now known as giraffes.
- 178Chuck Norris doesn't strike gold.Read moreRead lessHe roundhouse kicks rocks instead. (roundhouse kicking is kicking with a wide sweep of the leg and rotation of the body)
- 155Chuck Norris doesn't have to shave.Read moreRead lessHis beard is too scared to grow.
- 132Santa Claus forgot a gift for Chuck Norris.Read moreRead lessNow he's fake because of it.
- 131Chuck Norris once destroyed the space-time continuum.Read moreRead lessHe felt so bad, that he put it back together.
A few more hilarious Chuck Norris Memes and Jokes
If you want a list of Chuck Norris’ enemies, just check the extinct species list.
Aliens are real, but we can’t see them because Chuck Norris scares them.
When Chuck Norris looked into the abyss, the abyss looked away.
Chuck Norris stared at the sun. The sun ran away.
Related post: view the funniest Chuck Norris Memes.
Chuck Norris demolished the periodic table because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
Chuck Norris doesn’t open doors. Doors open for him.
Chuck Norris sets ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
The sun needs to wear sunglasses when Chuck Norris looks at it.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of animals that Chuck Norris allows to survive.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero. Why? Because he’s Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris counts to infinity every single day.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits for you to wake up.
Chuck Norris unscrambles eggs.
Simon Says? Not anymore. Now it’s Chuck Says.
When Chuck Norris looks in a mirror, the mirror shatters.
Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says it’s beef, then it’s beef.
When Chuck Norris eats at a restaurant, the waiter tips him.
When an advertisement pops up on the internet, Chuck Norris is the adblocker.
Chuck Norris knows Victoria’s secret.
When Chuck Norris enters a building that is on fire, the Chuck Norris alarm rings.
When police officers approach Chuck Norris, they say “we have the right to remain silent”.
The Swiss Army uses Chuck Norris Knives.
Chuck Norris can speak Braille.
Chuck Norris doesn’t dial the wrong number, you pick up the wrong phone.
Chuck Norris plays Russian roulette with a fully loaded revolver. And wins.
Chuck Norris’ email address is gmai[email protected]
Chuck Norris’ GPS never tells him to turn around. He goes wherever he wants.
Chuck Norris goes bowling with a marble. He scored 300.
When Chuck Norris was a baby he farted, now it’s known as the ‘Big Bang’.
Chuck Norris once wrestled a bear, an alligator, and a tiger all at once. He won.
A rainbow happens every time Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks Richard Simmons.
Chuck Norris doesn’t pay taxes, taxes pay Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his father did.
Chuck Norris never needs to flush the toilet. He always scares the crap out of it.
Chuck Norris makes a lot of money selling his urine, it is called Monster drinks.
Chuck Norris built the hospital where he was born in.
Chuck Norris starts fires with extinguishers.
Chuck Norris doesn’t take out the trash. The trash takes itself when it sees Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris has to carry a concealed weapons permit when he’s seen in public.
When Chuck Norris falls from a great height, the ground knows the end is near.
Chuck Norris played a game of rock, paper scissors against his reflection, and won.
When Chuck Norris went to Burger King and ordered a big mac, they made it for him, perfectly.
Burger King made their slogan “Have it your way” when Chuck Norris walked in.
Chuck Norris knows how to mine Bitcoin with a pen and paper.
Chuck Norris was born May 6th, 1945. The Nazis surrendered on May 7th, 1945. Chuck Norris ended World War 2.
Chuck Norris doesn’t go to the gym, instead, he goes shoplifting.
Somebody asked Chuck Norris how many pushups he could do, Chuck Norris replied “all of them”.
Chuck Norris dueled the Earth in a race around the sun. Chuck Norris won by ten years.
Chuck Norris was asked to fire someone once. Now it’s known as Hell.
When Chuck Norris hops on the Tempur-Pedic mattress, the wine glass falls over.
Chuck Norris doesn’t look both ways when crossing the road. The vehicles look both ways instead.
Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed a dozen men, then the grenade exploded.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup. It’s a 10.0 earthquake.
The dinosaurs once looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way, now they’re extinct.
Chuck Norris had a staring competition with the sun and won.
Chuck Norris wears a fanny pack and everyone else looks gay.
Chuck Norris once spun a blue marble on his finger, now humans live on it and it’s called the “Earth.”
Chuck Norris doesn’t climb trees, he just pushes them over and walks on them.
Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands, then they were renamed the “Islands” instead.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
They built the Great Wall of China to stop Chuck Norris from coming in. Sadly, it didn’t work.
Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Where’s Waldo? Hiding from Chuck Norris.
Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
Chuck refers to himself in the fourth person.
The only time Chuck Norris was ever wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake
A bulletproof vest wears Chuck Norris for protection.
Chuck Norris once won an underwater breathing contest. His opponent was a fish.
Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.
Chuck Norris can sit in the corner of a round room.
When Chuck Norris squeezes lemons, he gets orange juice.
Chuck Norris’ cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.