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110 Most Upvoted Chuck Norris Jokes [All-Time Leaderboard]

Here are the best Chuck Norris jokes and memes that you will find on the internet… with a few inventions of our own. These jokes can be very funny because Chuck Norris already has a famous reputation for his personality and… invincibility. Let’s get warmed up with a few jokes and memes before looking at our all-time leaderboard of the best Chuck Norris jokes.

Funniest Chuck Norris Jokes and Memes

Before we look at the all-time jokes leaderboard, let’s laugh with memes featuring some of the best jokes:

Chuck Norris looking at the sun joke

Champions are breakfast for Chuck Norris.

chuck norris birth joke

Chuck Norris’ calendar skips April 1st because nobody fools Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris scrabble joke

Some children pee their names in the snow. Chuck Norris can pee his name onto concrete.

Chuck Norris diary joke

Chuck Norris is so talented that he can wheelie on a unicycle.

the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris doesn’t cry. He makes onions cry instead.

hurricane chuck meme

Let’s now have a look at the all-time leaderboard of the most upvoted Chuck Norris jokes!

All-Time Most Upvoted Chuck Norris Jokes [Leaderboard]

Now that you’re a bit warmed up, let’s look at the all-time leaderboard… and make sure you upvote your favorite Chuck Norris jokes (No account is required to upvote):

Push your idea0/2000

A few more hilarious Chuck Norris Memes and Jokes

norris played in star wars joke

If you want a list of Chuck Norris’ enemies, just check the extinct species list.

Aliens are real, but we can’t see them because Chuck Norris scares them.

lighting a fire with an ice cube

When Chuck Norris looked into the abyss, the abyss looked away.

Chuck Norris stared at the sun. The sun ran away.

Chuck Norris demolished the periodic table because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.

Chuck Norris doesn’t open doors. Doors open for him.

Chuck Norris sneezing with eyes open joke

Chuck Norris sets ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

The sun needs to wear sunglasses when Chuck Norris looks at it.

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of animals that Chuck Norris allows to survive.

It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero. Why? Because he’s Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris dividing by zero because he can

Chuck Norris counts to infinity every single day.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits for you to wake up.

Chuck Norris unscrambles eggs.

extinct species Chuck Norris joke

Simon Says? Not anymore. Now it’s Chuck Says.

When Chuck Norris looks in a mirror, the mirror shatters.

Chuck Norris can hear sign language.

boogeyman going to sleep after checking for CN under the bed

If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says it’s beef, then it’s beef.

When Chuck Norris eats at a restaurant, the waiter tips him.

When an advertisement pops up on the internet, Chuck Norris is the adblocker.

Chuck Norris knows Victoria’s secret.

When Chuck Norris enters a building that is on fire, the Chuck Norris alarm rings.

When police officers approach Chuck Norris, they say “we have the right to remain silent”.

The Swiss Army uses Chuck Norris Knives.

Chuck Norris can speak Braille.

Chuck Norris doesn’t dial the wrong number, you pick up the wrong phone.

Chuck Norris plays Russian roulette with a fully loaded revolver. And wins.

Chuck Norris’ email address is [email protected]

Chuck Norris’ GPS never tells him to turn around. He goes wherever he wants.

Chuck Norris goes bowling with a marble. He scored 300.

When Chuck Norris was a baby he farted, now it’s known as the ‘Big Bang’.

Chuck Norris once wrestled a bear, an alligator, and a tiger all at once. He won.

revolving door joke

A rainbow happens every time Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks Richard Simmons.

Chuck Norris doesn’t pay taxes, taxes pay Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his father did.

Chuck Norris never needs to flush the toilet. He always scares the crap out of it.

Chuck Norris makes a lot of money selling his urine, it is called Monster drinks.

Chuck Norris is able to slam a revolving door.


Chuck Norris built the hospital where he was born in.

Chuck Norris starts fires with extinguishers.

Chuck Norris doesn’t take out the trash. The trash takes itself when it sees Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris has to carry a concealed weapons permit when he’s seen in public.

When Chuck Norris falls from a great height, the ground knows the end is near.

Chuck Norris played a game of rock, paper scissors against his reflection, and won.

When Chuck Norris went to Burger King and ordered a big mac, they made it for him, perfectly.

burger king Chuck Norris joke

Burger King made their slogan “Have it your way” when Chuck Norris walked in.

Chuck Norris knows how to mine Bitcoin with a pen and paper.

Chuck Norris was born May 6th, 1945. The Nazis surrendered on May 7th, 1945. Chuck Norris ended World War 2.

Chuck Norris doesn’t go to the gym, instead, he goes shoplifting.

Somebody asked Chuck Norris how many pushups he could do, Chuck Norris replied “all of them”.

Chuck Norris dueled the Earth in a race around the sun. Chuck Norris won by ten years.

Chuck Norris was asked to fire someone once. Now it’s known as Hell.

When Chuck Norris hops on the Tempur-Pedic mattress, the wine glass falls over.

Chuck Norris doesn’t look both ways when crossing the road. The vehicles look both ways instead.

Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed a dozen men, then the grenade exploded.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup. It’s a 10.0 earthquake.

joke about Chuck Norris squeezing lemons to get organce juice

The dinosaurs once looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way, now they’re extinct.

Chuck Norris had a staring competition with the sun and won.

Chuck Norris wears a fanny pack and everyone else looks gay.

Chuck Norris once spun a blue marble on his finger, now humans live on it and it’s called the “Earth.”

Chuck Norris doesn’t climb trees, he just pushes them over and walks on them.

Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands, then they were renamed the “Islands” instead.

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

They built the Great Wall of China to stop Chuck Norris from coming in. Sadly, it didn’t work.

stopping Chuck Norris doesn't work wiht the wall of china

Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Where’s Waldo? Hiding from Chuck Norris.

Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.

Chuck refers to himself in the fourth person.

The only time Chuck Norris was ever wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake

A bulletproof vest wears Chuck Norris for protection.

Chuck Norris once won an underwater breathing contest. His opponent was a fish.


Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.

Chuck Norris can sit in the corner of a round room.

When Chuck Norris squeezes lemons, he gets orange juice.

Chuck Norris’ cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.

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