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100 Most Sexist Jokes To Make You Laugh (For Men & Women)

surprised couple on a couch reading their computer

There are two categories of sexist jokes: jokes that are sexist for men, and jokes that are sexist for women. After all, it’s not just men who can be sexist…
Women can also be very sexist…
(It’s just that men are better at it like everything else 😊).

We have gathered and written the funniest for both categories.

Let’s start with the ladies!

1. Jokes that are sexist to women

joke about feminists changing a light bulb

Wife: “I want to get a driver’s license.”
Husband: “what for? there are no roads between the bedroom and the kitchen

What is the fastest way to spread a rumor? Telephone? NO. Television? No.
How then? Tell A Woman

What does “your life” and “your pen1s” have in common? Women can make both of them very hard.

thelma sexist meme joke

What kind of letters do feminists send? Hate Male

What do model trains and breasts have in common? They were made for children, but the father plays with them.

joke about feminists starting to clean when world war 3 begins

What takes 10 parking spaces? 5 women

meme about women parallel parking

How do you get an overweight lady in bed? Piece of cake

Why did God create women? to get an easy way to move semen from the bed to the toilet

joke about couple man and woman arguing on a date

How do you annoy your girlfriend during bedtime fun? You give her a call

How many men does it take to open a beer bottle? None.
The bottle should already be opened went your woman brings it to you on the couch.

sexist joke about a divorced barbie doll

What is the difference between men and women? Men have 2 heads, women have 4 lips because men do all the thinking, and women do all the talking.

Small D Joke

Why is an arguing woman like a blunt knife? Neither has a point.

How do you turn a pretty fox into a whale? You marry the fox and wait a few years.

funny joke about immediately ending a man's happiness.

How is getting married similar to being in a tornado? Marriages and tornadoes both begin with a lot of strong blowing, but eventually, you end up losing your house.

What do you call a woman who uses her mouth skills to get expensive shoes? Head over Heels

My Husband Told Me Joke

What is the difference between a job and a wife? After a few years, your job still “sucks”.

When is a woman right? When the kitchen isn’t left.

Different Box Joke

When does a woman lose her intelligence? When she gets a divorce.

What is a woman with an opinion? Wrong

sexist joke about why most archeologists are women

What happens when a woman talks dirty to you? It sets you back $4.99 each minute.

What is another word for a woman who doesn’t make sandwiches? Single

White Wedding Dress Joke

Why do women wear white at their weddings? To match the color of their kitchen appliances.

When does a fox turn into an elephant? A couple of years after you marry her.

iron man meme joke

Why shouldn’t you mess with a woman with PMS and GPS? She is a b!tch, and she’ll find you.

Why do women fake reaching climax? Because they think men care.

What is a lesbian’s most outstanding achievement? Preventing feminists from breeding.

Screw Attachment Joke

What does a man get when he marries a woman? An attachment you screw to get the housework done.

A woman got angry because I told her your hair smells terrific. I don’t believe that it’s my fault that I’m a midget.

What’s the smartest thing to come out of a woman’s mouth?
Answer: Einstein’s junk

penny everytime i get called sexist meme

What is a minimum? A small female parent.

What do you call a lesbian rapper? Feminem

How do you deal with women and stones? Skipping the flat ones.

Why are women’s baseball games dangerous? Pitches be crazy.

Why do women close their eyes during intimacy? They don’t want to see a man having a good time.

Who is Eileen? A woman with one leg longer than the other.

sexist joke about married women

Your dog barks in the backyard, and your wife yells on the front porch, who do you let in the house? The dog, because he will shut up once he enters the house.

A woman asked me if I was in her vegetarian club? I assure you I have never met herbivore.

Why did the woman cross the road? The question should be, what was she doing out of the kitchen?

Feminist Favorite Fruit Joke

What fruit do feminists like the most? The mango.

Women fall in love with their ears, men with their eyes. That is why women wear makeup and men lie.

Women say all men are the same, but choosing one takes them forever.

Teach a man to fish, and he will never go hungry. Teach a woman to fish; she will never stop telling you that you’re doing it wrong.

I was invited to a feminist picnic the other day. Had a great time, but no one made any sandwiches.

What do you call a happy feminist? I’ll ask her if I ever see one.

What’s the difference between a woman and a brick. You don’t have to cuddle a brick after you lay it.

How is a feminist different from fire arms? Fire arms can only be triggered one way.

A feminist said to me today that all men are pigs. I told her that women and men are equal.

What is women favorite book? The checkbook

Why do feminists flunk algebra? They can’t solve inequalities

What’s 6 inches long and 2 inches wide, and women want to have? A 100-dollar bill

I admire women who don’t need to dress provocatively to get a man’s attention. But I seek the ones who do.

What is a strong, independent woman? One who can open a jar without your help.

My wife suggested I see things from her point of view. So I looked out the kitchen window.

Why do sumo wrestlers shave their legs? They don’t want to be mistaken for feminists.

How to differentiate between a man and a woman? Their reaction to the word facial.

Mrs. Got 8 Out Of Ten Joke

My wife took her driver’s exam today. She got 8 out of 10, but the other two guys are in critical condition.

Back in my day, Barbie was the only girl made of plastic.

Men laugh “he, he, he” feminists laugh “she, she, she”

My feminist Israeli friend insists I call her a Shebrew.

My wife complained that I never listened to her. Or something like that…

Inch Equals A Mile Joke

I made a mistake and gave my girlfriend a Gorilla glue stick instead of her chap stick. She isn’t talking to me anymore.

According to science, women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who say something about it.

Behind every angry woman is a man who has no clue what he did wrong.

My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.

I bought my wife a get better soon card. She is not ill but surely needs to make some improvements.

I haven’t spoken to my wife in a year. I’m afraid of interrupting her.

I told my wife our kids are spoiled, and she replied: “they smell good to me.”

Jokes that are sexist to men

Let’s get now to the funniest jokes that are sexist to men:

I think men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.

What do you think when you see a well-dressed man? His wife is good at picking out clothes.

My husband doesn’t know the meaning of fear… but then again, he ignores the significance of MOST words.

If he is strong, rich, makes you sweat, and keeps you up at night, he is coffee.

I wanted to show my wife who’s boss in our house. I held a mirror up to her face.

If you come home to a man who’ll give you a little love, affection, and tenderness? You might be in the wrong house.

The man of your dreams doesn’t smoke, doesn’t drink, doesn’t swear, doesn’t get angry, doesn’t exist.

Tiny Part Of Me Joke

My wife is dissatisfied with my body. A tiny part of me makes me think so.

Why do men believe in love at first sight? Because men believe everything, you tell them.

Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will drink beer on a boat all day.

Men know everything except who is she?

What do you call a man with half a brain? A gifted man.

Pricks On The Outside Joke

Husband: Would you care for a quickie? Wife: As opposed to what?

What do you get when you have two little balls in your hand? A man’s complete attention.

How come a banker is good in bed? He knows first-hand the penalty for early withdrawal.

Why is it so hard for women to find sensitive, caring, and good-looking men? Because they already have husbands

How many men does it take to pop popcorn? Three. One to hold the pan and two others to shake the stove.

Vibrator vs Lawnmower Joke

Why are men necessary? Because a vibrator can’t mow the lawn.

Two men were strolling down the street when one said: “how sad a dead bird.” The other man looked up and asked, “where?”

Never let your husband’s mind wander; it’s too small to be alone.

How are men like Lava lamps? Both are fun to look at, but none are not that bright.

Men are like bank accounts. With a lot of money, they can generate interest.

Men are like handguns. After having them for a while, you want to shoot them.

A woman went to her mother and said, “I’ve found a man just like father!” The mother replied, “You have my sympathy?”

Man: Haven’t I seen you someplace before? Woman: Yes, that’s why I stopped going there.

Die Laughing Joke

Man: If I could see you naked, I’d die happy. Woman: If I saw you naked, I’d die laughing.

How many knees do men have? A: 3, the right knee, the left knee, and the wee-knee.

When would you want a man’s company? When he is the owner of such a company.

Why do only a few men make it to Heaven? Because if they all went, it would be called hell.
Why do so few men make it to Heaven? They never stop to ask for directions.

joke about men changing lightbulbs

How are husbands like lawnmowers? They’re hard to start and only work half the time.

What has eight arms and an IQ of 60? Four men.

How do you know when a man is well-hung? You can barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.

It doesn’t matter how often a married man changes his job; he still ends up with the same boss. (His wife)

What is the difference between a glass of wine and a man? The glass of wine always hits the spot.

When does a man have a car on his head? When he is named Jack

gladiator joke

What two things make a perfect husband? A closed mouth and an open wallet.

How do you prevent your husband from reading your e-mail? Rename them Instruction Manual.

How do you know a man is working on a contingency plan? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

Pigs Are Safe Joke

Why can’t men get mad cow disease? It doesn’t affect pigs.

How is Colonel Sanders like the typical men? He only cares about legs, breasts, and thighs.

How is a man like a used car? Both are easy to get, cheap, and need to be more trustworthy.

What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut? A barber cue

Why do men prefer blondes? Because they like women to be as bright as they are

What is the difference between a man and a tree? One of them you can’t hit with an ax.

Why do men whistle when they’re sitting on the toilet? Because they like to make noise on both ends.

Runs When You Cry Joke

What do men and mascara have in common? They both run when you cry.

What do you call a man who never passes gas in public? A private tutor.

What is the difference between a sofa and a man watching football? The sofa doesn’t ask for beer.

joke about hosiery and men

How do you know a man is about to say something clever? He starts with, “My wife says…”

Why are all dumb blonde jokes one-liners? So men remember them.

Plugged Into a Genius Joke

Why do men get their best ideas in bed?: Because they’re plugged into a genius!

What’s the difference between Big Foot and intelligent man? : Some people claim they have seen Big Foot

Why do doctors slap babies when they’re born? To knock the penises off the best ones.

Why did Dorothy get lost going to see the wizard of Oz? Because she was being led by three males.

Why do little boys whine? Because they are practicing to become experts when they grow up

Women are like iPhones; you must touch them all over before they respond. Men are like Blackberry Rub one ball and are good to go.

Two men visit a female chemist. The first man asks for H2O. The second says, “I’ll have some H2O too.” The second man died.

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