Second only to Hamsters, Ducks inspire many many jokes – not all of them good. As a matter of fact, some of them are real Drakes… (Dad Joke). Speaking of Dad (and Mom!) jokes, these quack-ups duck jokes are safe to share with your kids AND funny enough to be enjoyed at work.
We’ve put together a leaderboard of the funniest – most upvoted – duck jokes of all-time. However, to get started, let’s look at the top 10 super-short duck jokes for kids and the top 10 duck memes:
Table of Contents
1. Top 10 super-short & funny duck jokes (For kids)
What do ducks do when they are sick? They go to the Duck-tor.
A group of ducks organized a ballet. What was it called? The nut-“quacker”!
What does the duck say when his friend throws a ball at him? “Duck!”
A duck was called “The Joker” by his friends. Why? Because he was always “quacking” jokes!
What does a duck like to eat with chips? “Quack”-amole.
What does a duck like to eat with his Quack-amole?“Quackers”!
Why do ducks fly to Mexico in the winter? Because it’s too far to walk (or: because they can’t drive)
A duck just broke a chair. What did he use to repair it? Duck tape.
What do you call a duck thief? A Robber duck.
2. Top 10 funniest duck memes
Jokes can be the funniest in the forms of memes, so let’s have a look at the best ones:
Why are Ducks so popular? They are key players in maintaining our wetlands, helping with our food supply, and helping us get a good night’s sleep with better feather pillows! Plus, they are funny! Read on to see why.
We promise we will not use bad plays on words…. ok maybe just a few:
And here is the final one before we get to our most up-voted duck jokes:
Let’s get to our duck jokes leaderboard now:
3. The Most Upvoted Duck Jokes of All-Time [Leaderboard]
- 60Duck at the veterinarianA woman brings her duck to the vet because the duck is not very responsive. She is very worried. Finally, the ducks in on the veterinary table, and the vet performs his inspection. After a couple of minutes, the vet turns to the woman and sadly shares with her: “I’m sorry but your duck passed away”. The woman, very distressed, insists “I love my duck. How can you be so sure that he is no longer alive? You haven’t done any tests… he could be in a coma for all we know”. The vet shakes his head and goes to a separate room where he comes back with a labrador. The lab sniffs the duck from top to bottom, then turns to the vet and shakes his head. The vet then goes to get a cat. The cat sniffs the duck thoroughly as well, but with the same result: the cat turns to the vet and shakes his head. The vet confirms to the lady: your duck did pass away: it’s now confirmed by our lab report and cat scan.
- 55Ducks in heavenTwo women pass away and end up in heaven together... When they get there, they are welcomed by Saint Peter, who simply tells the women: “Welcome to heaven. You may come in, but you just need to be very careful not to step on the ducks. If you step on a duck, you will get punished.” Surprised, the two women agree and enter heaven. Indeed, they see ducks all over the place... As a matter of fact, it’s really challenging not to step on a duck at one point or another. After a few days, one of the two women eventually has the inevitable accident and steps on the duck. A big “Quaaaaackk” can be heard, and Saint Peter comes running. Upset, he tells the woman who stepped on the duck that she will be chained forever to a very ugly man – the punishment for stepping on a duck is indeed to get chained for all eternity to a very ugly partner. The second woman – who does not want to be chained to an ugly man for eternity - is now VERY careful not to step on any duck. After a few months, she has managed to NOT step on any duck. So Saint Peter comes in with a very, very handsome man. He chains the second woman to the handsome man. The woman, very excited and happy about this turn of events, says: "I don’t know what I did to deserve being chained to a handsome man like you - for all of eternity!" The handsome man responds: "I don't know about what you have done, but I have just stepped on a duck…"
- 52Wanna buy a talking duck?A man walks into a bar with a duck in a box. He asks the bartender if he wants to buy a talking duck. The man takes the duck out of the box and sets it on the counter. The Duck starts pleading with the bartender: “Oh mister, mister PLEASE take me home with you! This man beats me and starves me and never lets me see sunlight!”... The bartender is amazed and asks the man, “Why are you selling this remarkable talking Duck?”... The man answers, “Because I’m SICK OF HIS LIES!!!”
- 49Duck wearing a tuxedoA Duck wearing a tuxedo walks into a bar, orders a martini-shaken not stirred-the bartender asks his name. The duck answers “Pond, James Pond”.
- 44A man and a duck on an airplaneA man and a duck sit next to each other in an airplane. A flight attendant stops by to ask if they want any drinks. The man politely asks for coffee. The duck starts to swear to order an orange juice: “I would like an orange juice, and quick, you ugly cow!”... The flight attendant is a bit startled as she gets the drinks. She gives the orange juice to the duck, but forget about the man’s coffee... The man asks again: “Excuse me, but I think you forgot my coffee.”... The duck adds “And please also bring me an apple juice, you silly monkey, and faster!!”... Again, the flight attendant is very puzzled by how rude the duck is. She comes back with the apple juice but again forgets about the man’s coffee as she was a bit shaken by the rude duck’s comments... The man, figuring that perhaps you have to be rude to finally get a drink, asks: “ok, you forgetful and ugly pig, can you get me that coffee now???”... This time the flight attendant can’t take it anymore and asks for the airplane security to escort both the man and the duck. Security opens the exit door and just throws out the man and the duck out of the plane... As both the man and the duck are falling down, the duck turns to the man and says: "You know, you have a pretty foul mouth for someone who can't fly."
- 41Duck wants some breadA duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender: “Do you have any bread?” The bartender responds: “No, we don't.” The duck asks again: “Do you have any bread?”... “NO! We do NOT.” responds the bartender, a bit louder. This doesn't stop the duck from asking again: “Do YOU have any bread?” Irritated, the bartender now says: “Look, if you ask me for bread one more time, I’m going to nail your bill to the bar!”... “Do you have any nails?”, asks the duck. “No”, says the bartender. “Good, do you have any bread?”
- 41Wisdom of the EldersMy Grandpappy always said, “If it walks like a Duck, and talks like a Duck, it’s probably a man in a duck suit” Grandpappy sure liked his Moonshine!
- 37Makes sense!Why do Ducks fly South for the Winter? It’s too far to walk.
- 36Duck MigrationYou know how a group of ducks flies in a V formation? Do you know WHY one row is always longer? More Ducks in that row.
- 36Help???What has 8 sets of eyes, two enormous bills with fangs, 12 pairs of webbed feet with claws, and quacks like a Duck? I don’t know either I just found it in my garage and need HELP!
- 35Duck on a man's headA man walks into a bar with a duck on his head. The bartender says: “Excuse me Sir, but you seem to have a Duck on your head?”... The duck responds: “I think you mean I have a human on my ass!”
- 35Makes sense!What side of a Duck has the most feathers? The outside!
- 34I tried to warn you!Knock Knock Who’s there? Duck Duck who? DUCK! You are about to walk into a bar!
- 32Got a ticket?I’m going to see that new band tonight-it’s a cow and a duck They call themselves Cheese and Quackers!
- 31Social MediaWhy don’t ducks need smartphones? The web is already at their feet!
- 30The ArtsWhat is a Duck’s favorite Ballet? The Nutquacker!
- 30The ArtsWhat is a Duck's Second Favorite Ballet? Swan Lake-- because they can dream can’t they?
- 30Duck orders a martiniA duck orders a pond water martini. The Bartender says, “That’ll be $8.00.” The duck responds: “Just put it on my bill!”
- 30Social Media FowlDo you think that teenage ducks make human faces when posing for pics?
- 30Velcome to my pond!What has wings, feathers and fangs? Count Duckula!
- 30light fuse and get away!What do you call an exploding Duck? A Fire-Quacker!
- 29Teacher says...Why do Ducks have tail feathers? To cover their butt quacks!
- 29A clean get-a-way!What steals your soap in the bathtub? A robber ducky!
- 26ETD?What time do ducks start migrating? At the Quack of Dawn!
- 26Trust me, I'm a ducktor!What goes “Quick Quick”? A Duck with hiccups!
- 26Duck Feathers!Why do ducks never grow up? Because they grow down!
- 25why indeed!Why did the Duck cross the road? To prove they weren’t a chicken!
- 24Fun! Fun! Fun!What do Ducks love to play at the carnival? Quack-a-mole!
- 24Stop the PUNishment!I went to the new petting zoo and saw the goats standing according to height, the pigs wallowing according to size, but try as they might, they couldn’t get all their ducks in a row.
- 22Two ducks in a barTwo ducks walked into a bar. You think the second one would have seen it!
- 22Veeeery punny!Did you hear about the duck who accidentally fell into the sewer and had to swim out? He was ok but he smelled fowl.
Related post: Discover our 100 Best Chicken Jokes or the 100 Best Pirate Jokes Of All Time
And a couple more ducks jokes for the road: