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30+ Best Polish jokes

polish woman with poland colors

In Junior high school, I had a teeshirt that read “I’m a proud Polack, (x’d out) Puluck, pallock, pololack, (all crossed out) POLLOCK!!!

polish meme with tadpole pun
polish meme about meanwhile in poland
polish meme with kielbasa and pierogi dna

As a person of Polish descent, I found it amusing…I also owned “The Official Polish joke book”. I bought my friend “The official Italian joke book”. The jokes fell out of favor for a while and I was tickled to see they are returning. If you can’t laugh at yourself…

polish meme with yelling cat
polish meme about baby born as pierogi

I also wanted to say that all these polish jokes are meant to be good fun… I tried to stay respectful because ultimately I love Poland and my Polish friends and family too much.

"I love poland" flag design
polish meme about how new names are created
polish meme about movie credits
polish meme about paczki
polish meme about the language's strangeness

Polish Jokes Leaderboard – Most Upvoted Pollack Jokes

Find below the list of the funniest Polish jokes:

  • 35
    I don't think you know how this works...
    2 months agoReviewed
    Leon the Pole came home one day from work, and walked into his bedroom shouting "Honey I’m home!" What should he see but his best friend in bed with his wife He was so angry he pulled out his gun and put it to his head. His wife started laughing. "Don't laugh!" he screams. "You're next!”
  • 34
    No escape!!!
    2 months agoReviewed
    In Poland’s largest mall there was a terrible power outage. People were stuck on the escalator for HOURS!
  • 34
    The Olympics
    2 months agoReviewed
    Leon the Pole won a Gold medal at the last Olympics. He was so proud when he returned home that he had the medal bronzed!
  • 32
    Learn from your mistakes?
    2 months agoReviewed
    Why does the new Polish navy have glass bottom boats? To see the old Polish navy!
  • 32
    Catch!
    2 months agoReviewed
    What should you do if a Polish soldier throws a hand grenade at you? Pull the pin out and throw it back!
  • 32
    We aren't getting any deeper!
    2 months agoReviewed
    Did you hear about the Polish Admiral who wanted to be buried at sea? Five men died trying to dig his grave.
  • 30
    House Flippers
    2 months agoReviewed
    Leon the Pole and his friend Jan are building a house . Leon is putting on the siding. He picks up a nail, hammers it in. Picks up another nail, throws it away. Picks up a nail, hammers it in. Picks up another, throws it away. This goes on for a while, and finally Jan comes over and asks him why he is throwing half of the nails away. He replies, "Those were pointed on the wrong end." Jan gets exasperated and says "You idiot, those are for the other side of the house!”
  • 30
    Statistics don't lie!
    2 months agoReviewed
    A Polish couple decided to only have four children because they heard that one out of five babies is born Chinese.
  • 30
    Careful what you say!
    2 months agoReviewed
    Three prisoners, an American, a German, and a Pole, are scheduled to be executed by firing squad. They bring out the American and stand him in front of the pole. He points and shouts, "Tornado!" They all look and the American runs away. Next, they place the German in front of the firing squad. He yells "Earthquake!" They all hit the dust and the German escapes. Next up is the Pole. He looks around and shouts “Fire!"
  • 30
    They sure know how to build them!
    2 months agoReviewed
    How do you sink a Polish battleship? Put it in the water!
  • 30
    It's DUCK season!
    2 months agoReviewed
    Two Polish hunters were walking along One said to the other, “How come we aren’t catching any ducks? his friend thought about it then said, “Maybe we aren’t throwing the dog high enough?”
  • 30
    The cow jumped over the moon?
    2 months agoReviewed
    A Pole, English, and French guy are running away from the German soldiers when they come up to a forest and they decide to hide by each climbing a tree. When the Germans arrive, they go to the first tree where the English guy is, and shout, "We know you're up there; come down." The English guy, thinking fast, says, "Twit, twit, twit..." The Germans, thinking that it's a bird, move on to the next tree where the French guy is and once again shout, "We know you're up there; come down." The French guy, thinking fast, says, "Whoo, whoo, whoo..." The Germans, thinking that it's an owl, move on to the next tree where the Polish guy is and once again shout, "We know you're up there; come down." The Polish guy thinks for a while and then says, "Moo, moo, moo..."
  • 30
    STRIKE!
    2 months agoReviewed
    How do you tell the Groom at a Polish wedding? He’s the one with a clean bowling shirt
  • 30
    Like a good neighbor...
    2 months agoReviewed
    Leon the Pole went into his local shipping store and asked if they had a box two inches high, two inches wide, and 108 inches long. The clerk said, “I guess we could tape several mailing tubes together? What are you shipping?” Leon said, “My neighbor moved away but forgot a few things so I want to mail him his garden hose”
  • 28
    I almost caught it!
    2 months agoReviewed
    Why do Polish dogs have flat noses? From chasing parked cars
  • 28
    Round and round they go...
    2 months agoReviewed
    How do you stop the Polish Cavalry? Turn off the Carousel
  • 26
    Ready...Aim...
    2 months agoReviewed
    Did you hear about the Polish firing squad? They stand in a circle
  • 25
    Who is it?
    2 months agoReviewed
    Polish knock-knock joke Leon, “Knock-Knock” Jan, “Come in!”
  • 25
    Couldn't find the right boots either!
    2 months agoReviewed
    Leon the Pole had to sell his water-skis He couldn’t find a lake with a hill in it.
  • 25
    Makes sense
    2 months agoReviewed
    How do you get a one armed Pole out of a tree? Wave to him!
  • 24
    Quiet Please
    2 months agoReviewed
    Tragedy at the Polish National Library Someone stole the book.
  • 24
    Classic!
    2 months agoReviewed
    How many Poles does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Five-one to hold the bulb and four to turn the chair
  • 20
    Well, they CAN be hard to find!
    2 months agoReviewed
    Why do Polish police cars have stripes on the side? So the officers can find the handles!
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