In Junior high school, I had a teeshirt that read “I’m a proud Polack, (x’d out) Puluck, pallock, pololack, (all crossed out) POLLOCK!!!
As a person of Polish descent, I found it amusing…I also owned “The Official Polish joke book”. I bought my friend “The official Italian joke book”. The jokes fell out of favor for a while and I was tickled to see they are returning. If you can’t laugh at yourself…
I also wanted to say that all these polish jokes are meant to be good fun… I tried to stay respectful because ultimately I love Poland and my Polish friends and family too much.
Polish Jokes Leaderboard – Most Upvoted Pollack Jokes
Find below the list of the funniest Polish jokes:
- 35I don't think you know how this works...Read moreRead lessLeon the Pole came home one day from work, and walked into his bedroom shouting "Honey I’m home!" What should he see but his best friend in bed with his wife He was so angry he pulled out his gun and put it to his head. His wife started laughing. "Don't laugh!" he screams. "You're next!”
- 35The OlympicsRead moreRead lessLeon the Pole won a Gold medal at the last Olympics. He was so proud when he returned home that he had the medal bronzed!
- 33No escape!!!Read moreRead lessIn Poland’s largest mall there was a terrible power outage. People were stuck on the escalator for HOURS!
- 32Learn from your mistakes?Read moreRead lessWhy does the new Polish navy have glass bottom boats? To see the old Polish navy!
- 32Catch!Read moreRead lessWhat should you do if a Polish soldier throws a hand grenade at you? Pull the pin out and throw it back!
- 31We aren't getting any deeper!Read moreRead lessDid you hear about the Polish Admiral who wanted to be buried at sea? Five men died trying to dig his grave.
- 30House FlippersRead moreRead lessLeon the Pole and his friend Jan are building a house . Leon is putting on the siding. He picks up a nail, hammers it in. Picks up another nail, throws it away. Picks up a nail, hammers it in. Picks up another, throws it away. This goes on for a while, and finally Jan comes over and asks him why he is throwing half of the nails away. He replies, "Those were pointed on the wrong end." Jan gets exasperated and says "You idiot, those are for the other side of the house!”
- 30Statistics don't lie!Read moreRead lessA Polish couple decided to only have four children because they heard that one out of five babies is born Chinese.
- 30Careful what you say!Read moreRead lessThree prisoners, an American, a German, and a Pole, are scheduled to be executed by firing squad. They bring out the American and stand him in front of the pole. He points and shouts, "Tornado!" They all look and the American runs away. Next, they place the German in front of the firing squad. He yells "Earthquake!" They all hit the dust and the German escapes. Next up is the Pole. He looks around and shouts “Fire!"
- 30They sure know how to build them!Read moreRead lessHow do you sink a Polish battleship? Put it in the water!
- 30It's DUCK season!Read moreRead lessTwo Polish hunters were walking along One said to the other, “How come we aren’t catching any ducks? his friend thought about it then said, “Maybe we aren’t throwing the dog high enough?”
- 30The cow jumped over the moon?Read moreRead lessA Pole, English, and French guy are running away from the German soldiers when they come up to a forest and they decide to hide by each climbing a tree. When the Germans arrive, they go to the first tree where the English guy is, and shout, "We know you're up there; come down." The English guy, thinking fast, says, "Twit, twit, twit..." The Germans, thinking that it's a bird, move on to the next tree where the French guy is and once again shout, "We know you're up there; come down." The French guy, thinking fast, says, "Whoo, whoo, whoo..." The Germans, thinking that it's an owl, move on to the next tree where the Polish guy is and once again shout, "We know you're up there; come down." The Polish guy thinks for a while and then says, "Moo, moo, moo..."
- 30STRIKE!Read moreRead lessHow do you tell the Groom at a Polish wedding? He’s the one with a clean bowling shirt
- 30Like a good neighbor...Read moreRead lessLeon the Pole went into his local shipping store and asked if they had a box two inches high, two inches wide, and 108 inches long. The clerk said, “I guess we could tape several mailing tubes together? What are you shipping?” Leon said, “My neighbor moved away but forgot a few things so I want to mail him his garden hose”
- 28I almost caught it!Read moreRead lessWhy do Polish dogs have flat noses? From chasing parked cars
- 28Round and round they go...Read moreRead lessHow do you stop the Polish Cavalry? Turn off the Carousel
- 26Ready...Aim...Read moreRead lessDid you hear about the Polish firing squad? They stand in a circle
- 25Who is it?Read moreRead lessPolish knock-knock joke Leon, “Knock-Knock” Jan, “Come in!”
- 25Couldn't find the right boots either!Read moreRead lessLeon the Pole had to sell his water-skis He couldn’t find a lake with a hill in it.
- 25Makes senseRead moreRead lessHow do you get a one armed Pole out of a tree? Wave to him!
- 24Quiet PleaseRead moreRead lessTragedy at the Polish National Library Someone stole the book.
- 24Classic!Read moreRead lessHow many Poles does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Five-one to hold the bulb and four to turn the chair
- 20Well, they CAN be hard to find!Read moreRead lessWhy do Polish police cars have stripes on the side? So the officers can find the handles!