Dirty Dad Jokes… They can certainly be funnier than your traditional sense of humor, and funnier than simple dad jokes. Many people agree that dirty jokes are underappreciated, especially when they’re combined with dad jokes. We hope you’ll enjoy this collection of dirty dad jokes and memes that we’ve compiled together for you to browse through. Let’s get started:
My colleague hates when I shorten his name to D*ck. Especially because his name is Josh.
And a slightly different version of this dirty dad joke:
I set up a threes0me last night. Unfortunately, two of us didn’t show up. We still had a great time.
A dad goes to a food truck and sees the menu:
Burgers: $8
Fries: $4
Handj0bs: $20.
He asks the gorgeous woman working in the truck “are you the one doing the handj0bs”. “Yes” responds the woman with a big smile.
The dad responds: “Well, could you please wash your hands? I would like a burger.”
Omitting 1 little letter in a text message can ruin a marriage. While on a business trip to Las Vegas, the dad texted his wife late at night: “I’m having a fantastic time. I wish you were her.”
I saw my wife, very drunk, yelling at the television. ‘Don’t go in there! Don’t go in that church, you dummy!’ I guess she was watching our wedding video again. She must really love me.
In a wealthy family, the butler asks the dad for a raise. The dad asks:”Why would I even give you a raise?”
Butler: “There are two reasons. The first one is that someone said I’m a better cook than you”
Dad: “Who said that?”
Butler: “Your wife.”
Dad: “hmmm”
Butler: “The second reason is that I make love better than you”
Dad: “and who said that?? my wife???”
Butler: “No, the babysitter did.”
Dad: “ok… how much more money do you want?”
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What is the scientific/medical name for Viagra?
Mycoxaflopin
My dad said I should never go to a cheap and sleazy strip club because I might see something I should never see. But I went anyway. And once there, I saw my dad.
***
A male whale and a female whale see a fishing boat with a large harpoon. The male whale recognized the ship that caught his dad whale a year ago. He asks the female whale “let’s both get under the boat, blow air out of our air holes, and it might topple the ship.” They go ahead and do it, with success: the fish boat sinks. However, the seamen from the boat manage to swim away, almost reaching the shore. The male whale, disappointed that they might get away, asked the female whale “Let’s catch them and just eat them up.” But this time, the female whale doesn’t want to join in: “Look, I did the blow job just like you asked, but I really don’t want to swallow the seamen”.
***
A mom asks her husband: “How many women have you slept with?”
Dad responds: “One, two, three, four, you, five, and then six… six total”
A stoner just used my work to-do list to roll up a joint. He is now high on my list of priorities.
***
A mom goes to her doctor because her husband no longer seems interested in her. After having 3 kids, the couple struggles with intimacy. The doctor prescribes viagra, but the mom states that the dad will not take the pill. The doctor recommends putting a pill in the dad’s coffee discreetly.
A few days later, the mom returns to the doctor, furious.
“Did it not work?” ask the doc.
“It was horrible”, responds the mom… “he drunk his coffee, then slammed everything off the table, ripped my skirt off, and had his ways with me right there.”
Puzzled, the doc asked, “Isn’t that what you wanted?”
Mom: “But now I’ll never be able to go to Starbucks again!”
***
My son is reaching an age where he’s extremely curious about the human body. I guess that I’ll have to relocate it now.
Chicken eggs are a work of perfection. Why? Because they get laid and don’t even need a c0ck.
My girlfriend said she was going to get a colonic. Turns out after learning more that she was full of sh*t.
My boyfriend asked me ‘Is cutting the crust off of bread like circumcision for a sandwich?’ I said ‘No, cutting off the crust doesn’t get rid of the cheese.
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Last week I hired a prostitvte philosopher. She blew my mind on so many levels.
Why did that one guy ask the escort for a refund? He said that the bang wasn’t worth his buck.
My wife asked if she was really the only ‘one’ I had ever been with… I told her that most of the others were eights or nines.
My wife tried to make love to me on the hood of her Honda Civic. But I turned her down. If I’m going to do it, it’s going to have to be on my own Accord.
I’m getting a divorce with my wife and the judge decided that she gets half of my weed stash. I hate joint custody.
What do you get when you jingle Santa’s balls? A white Christmas!
I had to go to the doctor because I’ve been having lots of irregular bowel movements. They diagnosed me with all kinds of weird shit.
A woman walks around her house completely naked when suddenly she hears the doorbell ring. She asks “Who is this?” A man answers “It’s the blind man”. Re-assured, the woman, still naked, opens the door. The man stares at her, hesitates for a second, then says “ok… so where do you want me to install those blinds?”
My phone keeps autocorrecting “fvck” to “duck.” That’s okay – it’s still fowl language.
Why is it called dad jokes? If it was called mom jokes, they would have a chance of being actually funny.
A dad told his son that he killed 100 people in Vietnam. His son asked:
“I thought you were a plane mechanic?” But the dad admits: “I wasn’t a good one…”
When I was in high school, my dad showed me a ten-minute video of why I should wear condoms… he just showed me a video of me as a child.
I’ll never forget my dad’s last moments with me. He shouted… “No, wait! That one is the break release!” That’s the last time I saw my dad. He’s always wanted me to take over the family’s elevator maintenance company.
I knew I was becoming too much like my dad when I saw the look of disappointment in my mom’s eyes.
My best friend is addicted to taking blurry pictures in the shower. He has serious selfie steam issues.
A mosquito’s grandfather became a divorce lawyer. He was already a bloodsucking parasite, but now he has a briefcase.
My father knows the best jokes about mastvrbation. He says that to make people laugh, they always “come” in handy.
What’s the difference between a vampire and a person suffering from anemia? One sucks blood, and the other’s blood sucks.
A dad says to his wife: “The guys at golf were saying that our mailman has slept with every woman on this street except one…” His wife replies: “I bet it’s Claire!”
I couldn’t believe that my dad and mom divorced. My dad always described their marriage as: “Being just like Christmas.” Later, I learned he meant it’s because Christmas only comes once a year.
A cannibal family eats dinner together. But the son, visibly upset and not interested in the food, refuses to eat. The cannibal dad says: “Your mother cooked very long and hard to become this meal and I expect you to eat it.”
I’ve just watched a Netflix documentary on weed. I loved it, and actually… I really think all documentaries should be watched this way.
Dad: The doctor recommended I touch myself whenever I wanted.
Mom: No, he did not. He said you could have a stroke at any time.
I recently came into a bunch of money. That’s unusual for me because I usually use paper tissues because it’s cheaper.
What’s the difference between a set of used car tires and 365 used condoms? One was a ‘goodyear’, the other was a fantastic year!
If sleeping with someone for money is the definition of a wh*re, then I think that I might be a non-profit whoreganisation.
“It’s a boy,” the dad said with emotional tears in his eyes. It was at that moment he decided not to visit Thailand again.
What’s the difference between a funny Chuck Norris joke and too much @nal play? One will make your day, the other will make your hole weak (whole week).
Funny Tweet: Check out this tweet below with a few great ideas:
Not Exactly Dirty, But a Funny Dad Joke (Over 120,000 Likes!)
That’s it, that’s the end of our dirty dad jokes – but make sure you keep laughing with:
or keep reading our “clean” dad jokes:
Other dad jokes
Why do chickens choose to wear their own underwear on their head? Because their pecker is on their face.
My in-laws are mimes. They do unspeakable things. It’s really confusing whenever they visit me.
I asked my wife to tell me something to make me both happy and angry… My wife said that my c0ck was slightly bigger than my brother’s.
I hate those people who knock on your door and say you need to get ‘saved’ or you’ll ‘burn.’ I don’t like my local fire department anymore because of that experience.
Dad said that participation trophies shouldn’t exist. That’s the moment when I tore down his confederate flag.
The chances of someone curing their severe eating disorder with the help of religious healing is slim to nun.
What you don’t want to feel during your annual prostate exam is… two hands resting around your hips.
My mom and dad divorced when my mom realized that my dad was actually a nazi. She should have known when she saw all the red flags.
What can you call a bunny who has a crooked member? F*cks funny.
How many Indian phone scammers does it take to change a light bulb? The entire call center, and usually they’re yelling gibberish while they do it.
How many narcissists does it take to screw in a light bulb? One. The narcissist holds the light bulb while the rest of the world revolves around him.
How many ‘do it yourself’ buffs does it take to change a light bulb? Luckily only one, but it also takes them six weeks and forty trips to the store before it gets changed. That’s the worst part.
I was addicted to the hokey pokey…but I turned myself around.
My son just asked, “Can I have a bookmark?” I burst into tears, my son is eleven years old and he still thinks my name is Mark!
What can you call a human being with no body left except for the nose? Nobody knows.
When I was a teenager, my father got fired from his job as a construction worker for stealing. Then I walked home and the signs were all there again.
What can you call bears with no teeth? Gummy bears.
What’s a wizard’s favorite Microsoft Word functionality? Spell check.
Athletes end up with athlete’s foot…. pilots end up with… Missile toe
(Mistletoe is the plant that grows on trees)
My wife just asked me to “sync” her new phone, so I threw it into the lake.
My wife was upset that I have no sense of direction. So I took all my belongings and I right.
People always say that they pick their noses, but I am pretty sure that I had no choice and was simply born with mine.
In a weird and fatal accident, a photographer was killed when a huge block of cheese landed on him and crushed him. The people who were getting their pictures taken did try to warn him.
(“Cheeeeese!”)
I love bad play on words. Sorry… but that’s just how eye roll.
If you see someone stealing from an Apple store, does that make you an iWitness?
Dad: do you remember our herb garden from last year?
Mom: yes, it was good.
Dad: it was. Good thymes.
The blind man: I am reading chapter four of a book in braille. The bad guy is going to murder someone… trust me, I can feel it.
Unfortunately, I got hit in the head with a coca cola can. Don’t worry though, I’m not hurting. It was just a soft drink.
Are you going grocery shopping? remember to get a pickle. It’s a big dill.
A steak pun is a medium rare done well, but wait? Doesn’t that make it a well-done steak pun?
I regret buying shoes from a drug dealer. I have been tripping all day. I think they were laced with something.
Stars Making Dad Jokes
And finally, to end on a good note, watch these dad jokes from Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg:
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