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100 Best Dirty Dad Jokes & Memes [2023 Update]

Dirty Dad Jokes… They can certainly be funnier than your traditional sense of humor, and funnier than simple dad jokes. Many people agree that dirty jokes are underappreciated, especially when they’re combined with dad jokes. We hope you’ll enjoy this collection of dirty dad jokes and memes that we’ve compiled together for you to browse through:

My colleague hates when I shorten his name to D*ck. Especially because his name is Josh.

dad on the fence joke

And a slightly different version of this dirty dad joke:

sunbathing neighbor dad joke

When a pair of people have intercourse, it’s a twosome. When three people do it, it’s a threesome. Now I know why someone called YOU handsome.

A dad goes to a food truck and sees the menu:
Burgers: $8
Fries: $4
Handj0bs: $20.
He asks the gorgeous woman working in the truck “are you the one doing the handj0bs”. “Yes” responds the woman with a big smile.
The dad responds: “Well, could you please wash your hands? I would like a burger.”

I’ve just watched a Netflix documentary on weed. I loved it, and actually… I really think all documentaries should be watched this way.
(That documentary is high on my favorite’s list).

Omitting 1 little letter in a text message can ruin a marriage. While on a business trip to Las Vegas, the dad texted his wife late at night: “I’m having a fantastic time. I wish you were her.”

In a wealthy family, the butler asks the dad for a raise. The dad asks:”Why would I even give you a raise?”
Butler: “There are two reasons. The first one is that someone said I’m a better cook than you”
Dad: “Who said that?”
Butler: “Your wife.”
Dad: “hmmm”
Butler: “The second reason is that I make love better than you”
Dad: “and who said that?? my wife???”
Butler: “No, the babysitter did.”
Dad: “ok… how much more money do you want?”

Related Post: 101 Most Upvoted Deez Nuts Jokes of All-Time

I saw my wife, very drunk, yelling at the television. ‘Don’t go in there! Don’t go in that church, you dummy!’ I guess she was watching our wedding video again. She must really love me.

My phone keeps autocorrecting “fvck” to “duck.” That’s okay – it’s still fowl language.

who has two bottoms joke

A stoner just used my work to-do list to roll up a joint. He is now high on my list of priorities.

I hate those people who knock on your door and say you need to get ‘saved’ or you’ll ‘burn.’ I don’t like my local fire department anymore because of that experience.

A male whale and a female whale see a fishing boat with a large harpoon. The male whale recognized the ship that caught his dad whale a year ago. He asks the female whale “let’s both get under the boat, blow air out of our air holes, and it might topple the ship.” They go ahead and do it, with success: the fish boat sinks. However, the seamen from the boat manage to swim away, almost reaching the shore. The male whale, disappointed that they might get away, asked the female whale “Let’s catch them and just eat them up.” But this time, the female whale doesn’t want to join in: “Look, I did the blow job just like you asked, but I really don’t want to swallow the seamen”.

Dad said that participation trophies shouldn’t exist. That’s the moment when I tore down his confederate flag.

My son is reaching an age where he’s extremely curious about the human body. I guess that I’ll have to relocate it now.

richard's selfie joke

My best friend is addicted to taking blurry pictures in the shower. He has serious selfie steam issues.

My dad said I should never go to a cheap and sleazy strip club because I might see something I should never see. But I went anyway. And once there, I saw my dad.

A mom asks her husband: “How many women have you slept with?”
Dad responds: “One, two, three, four, you, five, and then six… six total”

We just found out Grandpa is now addicted to Viagra. We told him to call the Viagra addiction hotline, but we had no luck convincing him to follow the steps.

elevator dad joke

My girlfriend said she was going to get a colonic. Turns out after learning more that she was full of shit.

My boyfriend asked me ‘Is cutting the crust off of bread like circumcision for a sandwich?’ I said ‘No, cutting off the crust doesn’t get rid of the cheese.

Related post: Top 100 dirty jokes for her – to make your girl laugh!

What is the scientific/medical name for Viagra?
Mycoxaflopin

A mom goes to her doctor because her husband no longer seems interested in her. After having 3 kids, the couple struggles with intimacy. The doctor prescribes viagra, but the mom states that the dad will not take the pill. The doctor recommends putting a pill in the dad’s coffee discreetly.
A few days later, the mom returns to the doctor, furious.
“Did it not work?” ask the doc.
“It was horrible”, responds the mom… “he drunk his coffee, then slammed everything off the table, ripped my skirt off, and had his ways with me right there.”
Puzzled, the doc asked, “Isn’t that what you wanted?”
Mom: “But now I’ll never be able to go to Starbucks again!”

Last week I hired a prostitute philosopher. She blew my mind on so many levels.

fruit jokes image

Why did that one guy ask the escort for a refund? He said that the bang wasn’t worth his buck.

My wife asked if she was really the only ‘one’ I had ever been with… I told her that the others were eights, nines, and tens.

joke about anything you can will be held against you

My wife tried to make love to me on the hood of her Honda Civic. But I turned her down. If I’m going to do it, it’s going to have to be on my own Accord.

I’m getting a divorce with my wife and the judge decided that she gets half of my weed stash. I hate joint custody.

What do you get when you jingle Santa’s balls? A white Christmas!

barbie joke about ken in a different box

My in-laws are mimes. They do unspeakable things. It’s really confusing whenever they visit me.

I had to go to the doctor because I’ve been having lots of irregular bowel movements. They diagnosed me with all kinds of weird shit.

A woman walks around her house naked when suddenly she hears the doorbell ring. She asks “Who is this”. A man answers “It’s the blind man”. Re-assured, the woman opens the door. The man stares at her, hesitates for a second, then says “ok… so where do you want me to install those blinds?”

Why do chickens choose to wear their own underwear on their head? Because their pecker is on their face.

If there is only one pimp in an entire town, then that is a Monopoly!

pimp and monopoly dad joke

Why is it called dad jokes? If it was called mom jokes, they would have a chance of being actually funny.

Chicken eggs are a work of perfection. Why? Because they get laid without the need for a c0ck.

I asked my dad for filthy dad jokes but I quickly realized that he was way too old to keep them coming.

A dad told his son that he accidentally killed ten people in Iraq. His son responded with a question.
“I thought you were a plane mechanic?” But the dad admitts: ‘I wasn’t a good one….!’

dad meme about son going to college

What do you call the droplets of sweat on your dad’s ballsack after he slept with your cousin? Relative humidity.

When I was in high school, my dad showed me a ten-minute video of why I should wear condoms. How did he get videos of me for it though?

My dad’s golf friends started using their penises instead of golf clubs. He always said that he’s never seen a dick without a hole in one. His scores got a lot better after he made the transition.

Men die two deaths. The first is when they go bald.

men die two deaths meme

My dad gives terrible advice. Before I left for college he reminded me that the difference between a lobster with tits and a downtown bus stop is that one is a busty crustacean and the other is a crusty bus station.

A guy died of a stroke when getting intimate with his wife, and his wife didn’t realize until he didn’t ask for a drink afterward.

I’ll never forget my dad’s last moments with me. He shouted… “No, wait! That one is the break release!” That’s the last time I saw my dad. He always wanted me to join the family elevator repair business.

grandfather addiction meme

What’s the difference between a vampire and an anemic? One sucks blood, and the other’s blood sucks.
I knew I was becoming like my father when I saw the disappointed look in my mother’s eyes.

A mosquito’s grandfather became a divorce lawyer. He was already a bloodsucking parasite, but now he has a briefcase.

I was surprised at my parents’ divorce after years of them describing their marriage as: “Just like Christmas.” Then I found out they meant it’s because they only come once a year.

arguing with a woman without a bra

A cannibal and his picky son are sitting at the dinner table. The cannibal says: “Your mother cooked very long and hard to become this meal and I expect you to eat it.”

Husband: The doctor said I can touch myself whenever I want. Wife: No, he said you could have a stroke at any time.

My father only knows how to tell the best mastvrbation jokes. He says that to make people laugh, they always “cvm” in handy.

dad's private life joke

A dad says to his wife: “The guys at golf were saying that our mailman has slept with every woman on this street except one…” His wife replies: “I bet it’s Claire!”

I asked my wife to tell me something that will make me happy and sad at the same time My wife said that my c0ck was slightly bigger than my brother’s.

I recently came into a bunch of money. That’s unusual for me because I usually use paper tissues for the same reason.

What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? One’s a good year, the other is a great year.

What is the main difference between a fraudulent dollar and an anorexic prostitute? One of them is a phony buck…

What’s the difference between a walrus and a 19th-century prostitute? One is hairy and smells like rotten fish and the other is simply a walrus.

My dad always taught me that it’s better to have lobsters in your piano instead of crabs on your organ.”

6 afraid of 7

The chances of someone curing their severe eating disorder through religious processes are slim to nun.

The worst thing to feel during your annual prostate exam is two hands resting on your shoulders.

If sleeping with someone for money is the definition of a whore, then I think that I might be a non-profit whoreganisation.

“It’s a boy,” the man exclaimed, tears rolling down his face. It was at that moment he decided not to visit Thailand again.

My IQ test results came back. They were negative!

What’s the difference between a Clint Eastwood line and too much anal? One will make your day, the other will make your hole weak (whole week).

My parents got divorced when my mother realized that my father was actually a nazi. She should have known when she saw all of the red flags.

If a Frenchman has a fantastic body and a messed up face, just baguette.

What can you call a bunny rabbit with a crooked member? F*cks funny.

How many Indian phone scammers does it take to change a light bulb? The entire call center, and usually they’re yelling gibberish while they do it.

women and memory loss joke

How many narcissists does it take to screw in a light bulb? One. The narcissist holds the light bulb while the rest of the world revolves around him.

How many ‘do it yourself’ buffs does it take to change a light bulb? Luckily only one, but it also takes them six weeks and forty trips to the store before it gets changed. That’s the worst part.

I read that by law you must turn on your headlights when it’s raining in Sweden, but how am I supposed to know if it is raining in Sweden? I can’t be in two places at once… Am I missing something?

I was addicted to the hokey pokey…but I turned myself around.

I don’t trust stairs. They are really sneaky. They are always up to something.

i don't trust stairs, they are always up to something

My son just asked, “Can I have a bookmark?” I burst into tears, my son is eleven years old and he still thinks my name is Mark!

When I was a teenager, my father got fired from his job as a construction worker for stealing. Then I walked home and the signs were all there again.

What can you call bears with no teeth? Gummy bears.

Did you hear about the nurse who was chewed out by the doctor because she was absent without gauze?

If athletes get athlete’s foot, what do astronauts get? Missile toe.

My wife just asked me to sync her new phone, so I threw it into the Pacific Ocean.

my wife told me to sync her phone dad joke

My wife was upset that I have no sense of direction. I packed up my stuff and walked right out and then I got lost.

What did one cannibal say to the other while they were eating a clown? Does this taste funny to you?

What can you call a human being with no body and no nose? Nobody knows.

People always say that they pick their noses, but I am pretty sure that I had no choice and was simply born with mine.

Funny Tweet: Check out this tweet below with a few great ideas:

funny tweet about buying items at wal-mart

In a freak accident today, a photographer was killed when a huge lump of cheddar landed on him. To be

fair, the people who were being photographed did try to warn him.

Can February march? No, but April may.

Have you noticed that I love bad puns? Sorry but that’s just how eye roll.

If you were to observe an armed robbery at an Apple phone store, would that make you an iWitness?

What did the professional drummer call his twins? Anna one, Anna two…

What’s a wizard’s favorite computer software? Spell check.

I was just spending some time admiring the beautiful herb garden I had a few years ago. Good thymes.

I am reading chapter four of a horror story in braille. Something terrible is about to happen, trust me, I can feel it!

My best friend wants to be an archaeologist, but I’m trying to put him off. I’m convinced his life will be in ruins if he chooses that career pathway.

Unfortunately, I got hit in the head with a coca cola can. Don’t worry though, I’m not hurting. It was just a soft drink.

brown and sticky

Are you planning on cooking out this week? Make sure that you don’t forget the pickle. It’s a big dill.

Justice is a dish best served cold. If it were at room temperature, would it not be be just water?

A steak pun is a medium rare done well, but wait? Doesn’t that make it a well-done steak pun?

I regret buying shoes from a drug dealer. I have been tripping all day. I think they were laced with something.

Not Exactly Dirty, But a Funny Dad Joke (Over 120,000 Likes!)

Stars Making Dad Jokes

And finally, to end on a good note, watch these dad jokes from Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg:

Related Post:

35 Funniest Dad Memes

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