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100 Best Pirate Jokes Of All Time

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Welcome to this page, where you will discover the best pirate jokes and funniest pirate memes of all-time. Let’s get started!

How do you tell a pirate apart from a farmer? The pirate buries his treasure, and the farmer treasures his berries

Why are algebra teachers secretly pirates? The are always looking for X

Pete Blackbeard the pirate comes home to his wife after a long trip at sea. His wife is stunned: “Pete Blackbeard, you look terrible… what happened?”
Pete responds “Ahh… nothing, I’m fine, really”.
Wife: “But what happened to your leg – you have a wooden leg now!”
Pete: “Argh, I know, we had a battle with another ship, and a canon ball just landed on my leg! But the wooden leg is working just fine.”
Wife: “But what happened to your hand – you have a hook now!”
Pete, sighing: “I know, I fought another pirate with a sword, and he cut my hand off. It’s ok now.”
Wife: “But what happened to your eye – why do you have an eye patch?”
Pete: “A bird pooped on my eye, right as I was looking up. Bad luck.”
Wife: “You lost your eye because of a bird poop?”
Pete: “Aye. Well, it was my first week with a hook, and I forgot about it”

What is a three eye pirate called? A piiirate

Mighty Mary tells her boyfriend Aleks: “I can’t stand it anymore, Aleks. You don’t treat me right. You even say that I talk like a pirate, and you never even buy me flowers! Aleks: “Well, guess what, Mighty Mary, you do talk like a pirate. And I didn’t even know you sold flowers!”

What do you call a pirate with two yes, two hands and two legs? A Rookie.

Where do pirates with a wooden leg like to go for breakfast? IHOP

Which two teams made it to the pirate super bowl? The Buccaneers and the Seahawks

Why was the pirate worried about the paper towel on his forehead? There was a Bounty on his head

Why pirates do not cry in public? They like their private-tears.

Why can’t a pirate play card game? Because he is standing on the deck!

Which country do pirates like to visit the most? Arrrrrrgentina!What sounds like a parrot but is orange? A carrot

Knock Knock. Who’s there. Turner. Turner who? Turner round to see the pirate behind you.

Why did the pirate filed a divorce from his wife? They were always Arrrrguing

A Slice of pie was 3 dollars in Puerto Rico, 3 dollars in the Dominican Republic and 5 in Cuba. Those were the pie rates of the Caribbean

What did one pirate say to the other? “I sea you!”

What’s a pirate’s favorite letter? People think it’s the Arrr, but actually is the sea

The pirate went to the dermatologist to get the moles on his back checked. When the lab results came back, the specialist told the pirate “it is ok, they’re benign” The pirate replied “Check again, I think there be ten”

Why do we call pirates “pirates”? Because they ARRRRRR pirates!

Related post: Laugh with our favorite Food Jokes. Kids love a good food joke!

What is the pirate’s favorite subject in school. Arrrt

How can you tell a drunken pirate appart from a hungry pirate? The first has a rumbling tummy and the other a tumbling rummy

What did the Pirate Lawyer used for winning a case? Solid Arrrguments

Why did it took so long for the pirate to learn the alphabet? He spent a couple of year at Sea

How do you call someone who doesn’t pay to get his movies in DVD? A pirate

Who has 5 legs, 6 hands and 7 eyes?
5 pirates.

Where do you find the pirate who loses his wooden leg? Right where you left him.

A cruise ship passes by a remote island, and all the passengers see a bearded man with an eyepatch running around and waving his arms and screeming. “Captain,” one passenger asks, “who is that man over there?” “I have no idea,” the captain says, “but he seems to love cruises, he always go crazy when sees us.”

How do you call a pirate droid? Arrrg2 D2

What did the policeman said to the pirate when he decided to not give him a ticket? “you’re off the hook now Mister.”

The crew member to the Captain: “The cannons is ready” The Captain: “You mean arrrrrgg ready”

How does a pirate apologizes? Aye am so sorry.

How come the pirate found it easy to recite the tongue twister: “Chester Cheetah chews a chunk of cheep cheddar cheese”? Because he was used to the 7 Cs

A guy tried to sell me a DVD movie with a 3.14 stars rating. It was clearly a pi rated movie.

Did you hear about the pirate who stole from the rich to give to the poor. His name was Robin Hook?

Why are pirates good at singing? Because they can hit the high seas

A pirate and a sailor were exchanging stories. The sailor pointed to the pirate’s peg leg and asked, “How did you get that?” The pirate said, “Aye, I wrestled a shark and lost me leg.” The sailor pointed to the pirate’s hook and asked, “How did you get that?” The pirate said: “Aye, I fought Red Beard’s crew and lost me hand.” The sailor pointed to the pirate’s eye patch and asked, “How did you get that?” The pirate said, “Aye, a bird came by and left droppings in me eye.” The sailor said, “That’s not as impressive as the other two. …” “Aye,” the pirate answered. ( “It was me first day with the hook.”

Knock Knock. Who’s there? Garden. Garden Who. I’m Garden D Treasrue

What do you call a pirate with no eyes and no legs? An Expert

What is a pirates least favorite letter. A letter from The Court

Why did the pirate put a belt on a pumpkin? To become a squashbuckler

What do pirates wear when its cold? Long Johns

Why did the pirate bought the ship. It was on sail

What instruments do pirates prefer? The guitarr

What games do parrots like to play? Hide and speak

Why did the pirate go to the ophtalmogolist? To get his eye exam

Why children under seventeen can’t see pirates movies? They are Rated Arrr

How did the pirate became nut free? He got an itch and used the hook to scratch them.

A one handed pirate heard a rumor that a grouper of skunks were going to sink his ship. He fell for it hook, line and stinker.

While I was driving home, two pirates jumped into my car and stole everything. They were pirates of the car I be in.

Which element on the periodic table does a pirate like the best? Arrrrrgon! No, it must be Gold!!!!

What did the sea say to the pirate when they first met? The sea didn’t say anything, it just waved!

Why do pirates go to second hand stores? To buy their hooks

How do you make a pirate furious? Remove the P

Why did the pirate go to the rehab clinic. He was hooked

What has 7 legs, 7 arms and seven eyes? Seven pirates

Why don’t pirates take a bath before walking the plank. Beacause they will later wash up on the shore

How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced? A buck an ear!

What’s a pirate’s favorite type of fish? A swordfish!

What happened to the red pirate’s crew when they encountered the blue pirate’s crew? The got marooned.

What was the pirate boxer’s biggest strength? His left hook!

What do pirates use for cooking in their reunions? A Barrrrbecue

What doll do pirates play with? Barrrrbie?

How do pirates motivate each other during a race? Rum bottle, RUM!

Why does the pirate travels by ship? Because he let his car’-go

The Captain told his crew, “If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the wound and thus, you men will continue to fight unafraid.” Two enemy ships were spotted. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, for his command. The Captain ordered, “Bring me my brown pants!”

Why don’t pirates like helping others? It’s hard for them to lend a hand.

Why did the pirate went to see the plastic surgeon? He wanted to have a bigger booty

How does a pirate uses to get to the top of the building? An elevataaaaarrrrrr!!!!!

Why are pirate ships so dangerous? They´re assailing vessels.

Do pirates like to fight? Sword of

What made the sailor join a pirate ship? Pier pressure

Ironic that The Pirates Of The Caribbean DVD has a piracy warning

Where do Pirates put their weapons? In their enemies.

Why was the pirate so confident at the race? He knew his leg wood work

Knock Knock Knock Knock, who, Who’s there? Who’s there? Quit it parrot its not funny

Why did the pirate have great abs? He did a lot of planking

What kind of ship is most feared by pirates? A steady relation ship

Why did the pirate attacked with a written letter? Because the pen is mightier than the sword

While driving to work, to guys entered my vehicle and stole everything. They were the pirates of the car I be in.

What is a pirates favorite music genre? Arrr & B

Why did two pirates get into a fight? Because they didn’t see Aye to Aye.

Why were the pirate’s hook and peg so expensive? Because he paid an arm and a leg for them.

Why did the pirate have to walk the plank? Because he didn’t have a dog.

Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet? Because they can spend years at C.

What’s a pirate use his cell phone for? Booty calls

What is pirate’s favorite juice? Hi C

Why did the pirate didn’t answer his phone? Because he left it off the hook.

Why is being a pirate so addictive? Because once you lose your first hand, you get hooked!

What does the Apple Pirate wears? An iPatch!

What did the pirate say when he left his wooden leg in the refrigerator? Shiver me timbers!

What a pirate’s favorite hair style? The crew cut!

What does Pirate Santa says? Yo ho ho ho.

Why pirates are the worst at first aid? Because they use Sea Pee Arrg

When does the pirate has two eyes? When he’s addressed by his sailors “Aye, Aye, Captain”

Which part of their houses do pirates like best? Their backyarrrrds.

Our boat drifted, we found a pirate ship and asked the pirates: can you help us? They said: “we’re not shore”.

What is pirate’s favorite fast food? Arrgby’s

How do you call a pirate that is very close BuccaNear

Have you heard any good pirate jokes? Neither have Aye

How did the pirate quit smoking? He used the patch.

What do you call it when the crew of a pirate ship plots mutiny? A consipra-sea!

How did the band “Imagine Dragons” stop people from pirating their music? They stopped releasing any song worth listening to.

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