Donald Trump is anything but boring. He’s a social media icon with an untamed mouth. No one can argue that he has changed the political landscape of the U.S. and the world. What he lacks in intellect he makes up in chaos. Trump brings out the worst disorders in humanity and there’s no better cure than laughter. We’ve put together the most hilarious collection of Donald Trump jokes and memes for your enjoyment. Fasten your seatbelt because you’ve just booked a ticket on the Donald Trump Laugh Express!
The Best Trump Jokes
Why is Trump’s hair like wearing a thong? They both barely cover the *sshole.
What’s the easiest way for Trump to deport every Mexican in the U.S.? Juan by Juan.
A political commentator announced on air that he had good news and bad news about the 2016 presidential race. The good news is that President Obama’s long-form birth certificate confirmed that he was born in America. The bad news is so was Donald Trump.
‘Trump & the Pope’ joke
When Trump met the Pope at a public event, the Pope told him that he had a special religious power in his right hand. With a horizontal gesture, he could make the entire crowd go crazy with unbridled glee. He said that people would be filled with happiness for the rest of their lives whenever they remembered this day. Trump replied, “I find that hard to believe. Show me this gesture now!” So the Pope slapped him.
Trump had a cringe-worthy moment yesterday when he tried to kick out a crying baby at his rally. He shouted, ‘Get the baby out of here.’ It backfired when his own security detail forcibly removed him from the stage.
Trump sees his temperament as his strongest suit. It’s too bad that the suit is also made in China and prone to defects.
‘Trump & the Genie’ Joke
Donald Trump finds a lamp in the basement of Mar-a-lago. It is dusty, but looks like the best lamp ever. A tremendous lamp. So he gets excited and rubs it to dust it off. A genie comes out. The genie: “Thanks for freeing me… it is now my duty to grant you three wishes. Anything you want.”
Pleased, Trump is quick to ask: “everyone is trying to put me in jail. I want you to get rid of the Justice system.”
The genie, a bit worried, responds “ok, fine… but you can’t make any other wishes.”
Trump, angry, protests: “you told me I had 3 wishes.”
Genie: “ok, so sue me.”
I wouldn’t say Trump is self-centered, but he would be the only presidential candidate to ever pick himself as a running mate.
Why are conservatives still Trumpers? They believe in carrying a baby to full term.
Trump vs Hillary Clinton 2016: I knew it would be a tight race. The U.S. had never witnessed an election quite like this. On one hand, you had a controversial, hysterical b*tch, and on the other hand, there was Hillary Clinton.
Want to know who has more self-control over what comes out of their mouths than Donald Trump? How about schizophrenics with dyslexia?
Trump was a leader who spoke to other countries the same way he spoke with his business associates; like a mob boss from Staten Island.
‘Trump in Hell’ Joke
Trump, unfortunately, passed away and arrives in hell. He’s welcomed by the devil who says Trump has 3 options: he must pick one of 3 rooms and stay there for eternity. The devil opens the first room, where George Bush Sr is pushing a rock up a big hill. Once he is at the top of the hill, he lets the rock go down and has to start all over again. Horrified, Trump says “No thank you, I can’t do manual labor.” The devil then opens a second door, where Barack Obama is seen, profusely sweating, with a lump hammer in his hands. His job is to break rocks until the end of times. Trump says “I can’t do that either, I deserve so much better. Mr Devil, do you realize how much I have loved and helped people? I have helped millions of people get better jobs”. The devil acknowledges Trump’s comments and says “Fair enough. I have a special door for you then”. He opens the door to a room where Bill Clinton is just standing at his desk, pants down to his knees. Monica Lewinski is doing what she does best. Excited, Trump says “That – I can do. Thank you for listening to me. You are the best.” The devil then says “Ok, Monica, you are done. You’re getting replaced.”
When Obama Roasted Trump at a White House Diner
This short video, from 2011, is well worth watching. Take a look:
Can The World Survive Another Trump Presidency?
Last week’s Trump rally was delayed due to fog. The fog was so thick that even the Girl Scouts couldn’t even see who they were punching.
Many believe that Trump can’t be stopped. He’s like Godzilla minus the good looks and foreign-policy experience.
Trump and the Genie (Part 2)
Donald Trump finds another lamp in the basement of Mar-a-lago. He dusts it off and a genie comes out. The genie: “Oh no… not you again. I’ve already granted you 3 wishes – I made you a billionaire, gave you a hot wife – way out of your league – AND also made you president… what else do you want now???”
Do you know why Trump prefers a chickpea over a lima bean? He’s never been caught having a lima bean on his face.
It came out that Russians stole opposition research on Donald Trump. Russia, why would you go to such lengths? Everyone knows that if you want damaging information about Donald Trump, just wait for him to open his mouth.
A political poll asked prospective voters who they would support. The results had Hillary with 43 percent, Trump with 38 percent and an apocalyptic meteor heading toward earth with 13 percent. Nothing says hopeless more than when 51 percent of the people are fine with the world ending because a giant destructive orange ball.
Donald Trump promised he wouldn’t take any vacations during his presidency. As it turns out, it’s not such a big gesture. He’s offended so many countries that no one will accept him outside the U.S.
Donald Trump likes to claim that his candidacy has caused more interest in voting. He’s right, more people are signing up to vote. It’s just like VD is causing more interest in penicillin.
It is my hope that when we reflect on the Trump years, it will be like Y2K. We thought it was going to be the end of the world, we p**ped our pants, and in the end it was a bunch of nothing with the exception of a mob storming the Capitol with the desire to assassinate the Vice President.
Why does Trump’s doctor prescribe anti-depressants? Because he is prone to Hispanic attacks!
One of Trumps campaign offices in Ohio is run by a 12 year-old boy. When asked how an inexperienced, immature child could be put in charge, the boy said, “Look, he’s the nominee, we have no choice.”
Before running for president, perhaps Trump should set his sights on a lower position first like spokesperson of the Hair Club for Men.
How is Trump similar to a phone-sex operator. He always benefits from whispering dirty little r*cist fantasies Republicans want to hear.
Donald Trump is a Walking Nightmare
George Washington couldn’t tell a lie. Bill Clinton couldn’t tell the truth. Donald Trump doesn’t even know the difference.
Billy Bush of NBC ultimately lost his job for his words on the Trump tape. It’s hard to believe that we are at the point where there is a higher standard for host for third hour of the Today show than there is for a presidential nominee.
Related Post: View the 25 Best Trump Memes.
If Trump doesn’t win the presidency, perhaps he could be the press secretary. Imagine how fun that would be. “Kim Jong-Il is a big loser. His last rally had a very small crowd. What a failure! I feel bad for President Ahmadinejad the sad leader in a windbreaker. No fashion sense, no class. As for myself, I have my own line of top-quality ties. Be sure to mention my name and you can get a discount at Kohl’s in the flammable section.”
Why does Trump’s personal assistant put a large potato in his underpants? He really wants to be the world’s biggest ‘dicktator’.
Kellyanne Conway dared Republicans to decide whether or not they support Donald Trump and ‘stop pussyfooting around. That’s the worst choice of words since Abraham Lincoln’s famous last words, ‘I need slavery like I need a hole in the head.
Trump is the new horror movie. Any woman who hears Tic Tacs shaking in someone’s pocket knows it’s time to start running.
For years Donald Trump was saying that Obama’s birth certificate may be fake. Perhaps the guy who has fake press conference charge of deciding what’s real.
Donald Trump never apologizes and believes that he’s never wrong no matter what comes out of his mouth. It’s like he is the White Kanye West minus the rhythm.
There’s no argument that this is what Trump is famous for doing: Gift wrapping a bag of excrement, charging an unbelievable price and convincing people that they need it even though they know it’s a bag of excrement. Now, the U.S. is that bag of excrement. Why don’t we let Trump dress up Florida and the midwest with gold wrapping and then sell it all to the Chinese with a no return policy.
One day a kid asked Donald Trump what the J in Donald J Trump stood for. He replied “Genius of course”.
Is Donald Trump for Real?
Trump just signed a loyalty pledge saying that he would endorse for president whoever wins the Republican nomination and would not run as a third-party candidate. Believe you me, when Donald Trump makes a vow, he keeps it. Just ask any of his wives.
Leaked medical information confirmed Trump’s medical deferment, “inter-rectum cranial inversion” or in layman terms he had his head stuck up his a**
Donald Trump fired Corey Lewandowski from his campaign position. Trump claimed Lewandowski was controversial, impulsive, and short-tempered — but would make a wonderful vice president.
Democrats know that Trump didn’t invent racism. That’s too bad because if he had, it would have already gone bankrupt.
Paul Ryan said Trump’s tweets about a judge of Mexican heritage were the ‘textbook definition’ of making racist comments. It’s no surprise that the textbook came from Trump University.
Donald Trump wants to be president because he’s fed up with the rest of the world laughing at the United States. Well, a presidency headed by Trump will definitely put an end to that!
After reviewing footage of the people who stormed the Capitol, Trump finally realized how crazy his supporters can be. Some are so insane that at a rally Trump could use his shoe as a phone and tell people he was talking to Jesus who called to thank Trump for the free MAGA hat and they would totally believe him.
What nation does Trump consider to be Number 1?
Discrimi-nation.
Donald Trump refused to go to the Fox News debate claiming that the moderator Megyn Kelly is biased against him. He’s probably right because typically when a younger, attractive woman disagrees with him, she ends up taking half his stuff.
Related Post: View the 25 Best Trump Memes.
Trump entered the presidential race by claiming Mexicans were rapists. He even bragged about sexually assaulting women. He’s besides himself whenever he sees an attractive woman eating a burrito.
There were clues Trump might be an incompetent. Don’t forget that he was so inept that bankrupted his casino. Casinos are the only places where the house always wins!
During a rally, Trump had a meltdown regarding his great temperament. It was like seeing someone tattoo ‘I’m not a psycho’ into their arm.
Why are Republicans scared to go against Trump? Because they know there will be Hell toupee.
Trump enjoys appearing on Fox. This is very ironic since a fox often seems to appear on Donald Trump’s head. Anyone at the Washington Post table with Trump who is unable to finish their food, no worries– the fox will take care of it.
Donald Trump is like a spoiled 5-year-old throwing a public tantrum. Every time a parent takes the kid’s side over the teachers, allows the kid to partake in adult conversations and then takes the kid to get an ice cream cone, you are creating the Donald Trumps of tomorrow.
Trump tested positive for COVID. It’s the only test he ever passed without cheating.
Donald Trump always had some nasty words to say about Arizona senator John McCain. Can you fathom being tortured five and a half years as a prisoner of war and then taunted by a man whose biggest wartime accomplishment was brokering a peace treaty between has-beens on Celebrity Apprentice?!
What did Trump say to Biden when they bumped into each other? Pardon me.
What trait does Trump and his father have with Putin? They all have the worst judgement when it comes to pulling out.
Donald Trump promised to only take $1 as his salary instead of the usual $400,000. This goes to show you that there’s nothing he wouldn’t do to avoid paying taxes.
Trump may be filthy rich, but apparently, nobody told his accent. He has a first-class life, but once he opens his mouth you can tell he’s from coach.
Many people say Steve jobs could’ve done a better job in the White House than Trump. That’s hard to say because you are comparing apples to oranges.
On Judgement day, two forever Trumpers meet God at the pearly gates and God asks them if they have any questions. One says “yes, please tell us the true results of the 2020 presidential election.” God tells them that the election was not rigged and that Biden won the presidency fair and square. The guy turns towards his friend and whispers, “looks this fraud goes higher up than we ever imagine.”
Barack Obama and Donald Trump were both getting a shave at the same barber shop. They each had their own barber and didn’t utter a single. The barbers were nervous to say anything as perhaps things would get nasty. Trumps barber finished and was about to finish by using the aftershave. Donald was quick to stop him, saying, “I’ll pass. My wife, Melania, will smell that and think I’ve been in a whorehouse.” The other barber then said to Barack, “How about you, Mr. Obama ?” Barack replied, “Sure, why not, my Michelle has no idea what a whorehouse smells like.”
Read more: Best 25 Trump Memes.