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Top 100 Jokes About Builders and Construction Workers

laughing builder with yellow hat on blue background

Builders and construction workers tend to spend a lot of time in groups, cracking up jokes. As it turns out, a lot of builders have a good sense of humor (in addition to drinking a lot of red bulls and beers). We have gathered for you on this page the best 100 jokes about builders and the construction industry in general. Post a comment on this page if you know any other good ones! Let’s get started:

Best Builders & Construction Jokes

I’ve always been a house builder, but recently I’ve developed an apartment complex.

A construction worker was sitting at a bar with a slab of asphalt in the seat next to him.
The waiter asked, “What can I get you?”
The construction worker said, “A screwdriver for me, and one for the road.”

Why did the nail go to the bar last night?
He really needed to get hammered.

Joke about a young child watching builders:
A young girl, about 6 years old, noticed the construction crew building a small guest house next door. During the day, she watches the workers do their jobs. The workers eventually start talking to her and even find small jobs that she can do for fun.
At the end of the week, to be nice, they even give her a thank-you card with $10. Very excited, the girl shows the money to her mother. They decide to go to the bank to deposit the money in a savings account. The banker, impressed, asks the girl “how did you earn this?” The girl responds proudly that she helped the builders next door. The banker asks her if she plans to work again next week. The little girl responds “Yes. But I need these lazy c**ksuckers from The Home Depot to finally deliver the f**king supplies”.

What did the window glazier cry out after cutting his arm on the window pane?
This is so paneful!

10 construction workers were all actively working on a new stretch of highway together.
That’s the joke…

A smelly donkey sits down at a restaurant, and asks “Budweiser, please.”
The waitress, a bit disgusted by the smell, but amazed that a donkey can talk, responds: “Incredible. You are a donkey, and you can talk. You should get a job a the circus. You would make a lot of money!”
Intrigued, the smelly donkey asks “Oh yeah? Are they hiring builders?”

Joke about a nun at the construction site:
There was a construction site next to an old convent. A nun noticed that the construction workers were often using coarse language and she decided it would be best to spend some time working with them. She hoped she could correct their ways. She made a plan to make lunch and take it with her to the site. In a brown paper bag, she packed her sandwich and some pickles. When she walked up to the site, the men were sitting and eating. With a big smile on her face, she marched right up to them and asked: “Do any of you fellas know Jesus Christ?” They looked around at each other confused, then back at her and shook their heads. One of the workers looked up at the steel rafters and shouted, “Anybody up there knows Jesus Christ?” Someone yelled down, “Who’s askin’?” The steelworker yelled back, “His wife is here with his lunch.”

What are airplane builders always saying about their job?
They love it because it is riveting.

Do you know the first sign you might have a carpenter ant problem?
Check the work site for scattered miniature beer cans.

joke about construction noise at night

Do builders have a favorite type of music to listen to?
They love listening to the Carpenters.

My first day on the job as a builder on a construction site, I was told to attach 2 pieces of wood together.
Well, I nailed it!

Why are folks always giving bridge builders such hell?
They are only trying hard to make ends meet.

What did they call Bob the Builder after he retired at 65?

Last week, when I was partying with friends, a man came in and shouted, “I’m a builder!”
I couldn’t help but think, ‘Wow! That guy really knows how to make an entrance memorable!’ Well, as it turns out, the man was just putting up a facade.

Joke about bob’s widow:
At a construction site, Bob the builder falls down a ladder and brutally dies in the accident. The other builders are shaken, but decide to reach out to Bob’s wife to let her know what happened. One builder says “I know where they live. I will go and let her know what happened.” A few hours later, the builder comes back. He’s holding a case of beers. “What happened?” someone asks him “Did you just let her know bob died, and she gave you a case of beers??”. The builder responds: “Well, I knocked on her door, and asks if she was Bob’s widow”. She said, “no, I’m not a widow”. And I said, “I bet you a case of beer that you are.”

I was flicking through the channels and stopped on Nickelodeon when I saw Bob the Builder. He was building a wall…
… to stop Dora from exploring.

Image of the Village people in the YCA costumes
Text says:"Last night there was a fire at the gay bar.

Over 80 firefighters were there to help.

They were surprised to find 10 Native Americans, 15 construction workers, 20 military guys, and a handful of cowboys."

A handyman was building a fence. He was almost finished when he accidentally drove the last pilon into an old hand grenade buried underground. What did he say when the entire fence fell down after it?
“Wow, I definitely did not expect this post to blow up!”

Where does a fence builder get his best jokes?
From reposts.

“Jack of All Trades” Joke
A husband and wife are enjoying breakfast together. The wife pauses between bites and asks, “Babe, can you check out the bathroom door, it keeps getting stuck”.
“What am I? A carpenter?”
“Toilet’s clogged, too… Take a look at that while you’re at it.”
“What am I? A plumber?”
“Oh, there’s also wiggly tiles on our kitchen floor.”
“What am I? A tiler?”
The next night, he comes home a little late from work.
His wife says, “Great news, hun! Everything’s fixed! Our neighbor, Mr. Smith, offered to help.”
“Good. That’s a load off. Did he ask anything in return?”
“He gave me a choice: Bake him cupcakes or screw him.”
Her husband cracked a smile and said, “Well, I hope you had fun making those cupcakes.”
“What am I? A baker?”

I don’t know how Bob the Builder can ever concentrate on his job site…
He’s always surrounded by tools.

I’ve been looking for work. This morning, I heard about a construction job in Egypt.
But it was a pyramid scheme.

joke about builders gaining weight over time

Do you know that construction workers love to party?
They really raise the roof!

Why did they leave the nosey roofer such a bad review?
He got caught eavesdropping.

[Video Joke] What would you all day? Check out this funny TikTok video about electricians and plumbers overheard at the job site – wait for the twist at the end!

I heard my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. I couldn’t believe it. But when I got to his house, all the signs were in my face!

I was whacked in the head by a soda can today at the construction site.
Thank God it was a soft drink.

joke about builder laughing about construction delays

I recently watched a documentary about steelworkers and their tools.

The only thing a fence builder hates more than having to send mass emails to his workers about materials, is receiving their replys to them. He’s sick of seeing Re: Posts.

Text says Cut the board twice, it's still too short. Image of man sawing.

Why shouldn’t you tell jokes to window glaziers while they’re installing new windows?
You might make it crack up.

What’s the name of the tallest type of building a builder can build?
Libraries! They have more stories than any other building.

People often get shocked when they discover what an awful electrician I am.

Why did the plumber quit his job fixing bathtubs and sinks? He always felt so drained.

Text says: Teacher: Dont write on the tables! Kids in the back:

Image of carpenter carving wood

What is the name for the lightest kind of building that can be constructed?
A lighthouse.

Beavers, the national animal of Canada, are excellent builders of dams.
It’s no wonder Canada is the best dam country in this half of the world!

3 plumbers, 2 electricians, and a carpenter walk into a bar.
Yikes. They really shouldn’t have moved the Hazard sign until they finished the job…

Pop, are we a family of builders?
Yes, Mason!

Bob the Builder: Can we fix it?
Bob’s Wife’s Attorney: Robert, enough. Just sign the papers, please.

Pirate Handyman: Arg, Captain, I’ve built the ship.
Pirate Captain: Planks so much.

What is it like when Bob the Builder has a one night stand?
He nuts and bolts.

I’ve been writing a joke about construction of new roads.
You’ll just have to give me several months to lay it all out.

There are a lot of innovative tools used in construction…
The shovel is by far the most groundbreaking.

A construction worker was let go after he was detained for suspicion of murder.
There was no concrete evidence.

Text says: "My boyfriend recently became a builder and was sad because he wasn't very good at building things so far.
So I cheered him up by telling him he successfully made one thing: I'm pregnant."

Image of ultrasound

Why did the builder claim to also be skilled in tech support?
He was able to install Windows really well.

Can you imagine where we would be without builders?

What was the favorite band of the ancient Egyptians who built the pyramids?
The Rolling Stones

Ever since the boat builder switched to remote working from home,
his sails have been through the roof.

What do you call a jockey who is dating a carpenter?
I’m not sure, but don’t make fun. Their relationship is pretty stable.

There was a carpenter who worked on a carrot farm. One day, he ran out of wood so he decided to start trying to use carrots. Turns out he wasn’t just good with wood, he was also pretty skilled with Vege Tables.

My ex cheated on me with a carpenter, an electrician, and a steelworker.
She was a jack off all tradesmen.

It’s pretty common knowledge that Jesus’ father was a carpenter, but did you know his other dad is an electrician? After all, God said, “let there be light, and there was light.”

A carpenter starts his first day at a new job. The foreman greets the rookie at the job site and tells him his first task. “All I want you to do to start is nail some sheathing on the roof.” The rookie grabs his hammer and nails and starts working. The foreman watches him work. When the rookie finishes, the foreman calls him over and says, “I think your nickname in this job site will be ‘Lightning’.” The rookie’s smile widens largely and excitedly and he asks, “Am I faster than the others?” The foreman shakes his head no and says, “No, you just never seem to strike in the same place twice.”

How does a steelworker like his steak to be cooked?
Weld on.

Why is construction a bad thing?
If it wasn’t it would be called PROstruction.

What kind of music do construction workers like?

It’s true that elevator workers make good money, but there are so many ups and downs.

I got a nasty speeding ticket the other day. I saw a sign that said “Construction Zone 35 mph ahead”. I don’t understand why I got the ticket. I had 4 people in the car.

Want to hear a construction joke?
Nevermind, it’s still not finished.

Despite the amount of math that goes into construction, these workers don’t know their shapes…You’ll hear a guy ask for a square and someone will hand over a triangle.

Text says: Dad: Grab the square, its right in front of you! 8 YO me who can only find triangles:

image of Boo crying in a workshop with a lot of carpenter squares in front of her

A woman receives a call from her construction worker husband at an unusual time in the middle of the day.
“I had a little accident and lost my finger.”
“Oh, no! The whole finger?” She asks.
“No, not that one. The one next to it.”

What’s the number of OSH inspectors would it require to change a single light bulb?
Five. One will change the lightbulb and the other four work diligently to hold the ladder in place.

Why did the wife of the carpenter leave him for someone else? Because he was screwing others when he should have been nailing her.

Image of tweet.
Text says:
Jesus: *dying on the cross*
Civilian: omg that dude made my coffee table

They say Jesus was a carpenter, but he couldn’t have been a very good one. From what I hear, the guy couldn’t pull out a nail to save his life.

A sperm donor, a builder, and a Roman walk into a bar.
He came, he saw, he conquered.

Why won’t they let dogs become home builders?
Dogs struggle with building woofs.

I went to interview with the foreman of a construction site.
I was so confused when only one man showed up.

Good Construction Joke Videos

When a builder makes a joke about an electrician (it’s all fun and games until you need a circuit breaker):

Or making fun of the painters:

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