Skip to Content

70 Best Mean and Insulting Jokes

angry man who has just been insulted

Are you thin-skinned and prone to being on the receiving end of personal attacks? Do you lack verbal ammunition? Your worry is over and we’ve got you covered!

Get ready to become a Super Heroe of quick-witted comebacks. We’ve gathered the sharpest, most biting and top denigrating remarks sure to put others on the defensive. The following jokes are biting and sure to cut deep. The gloves have come off so it’s time to turn the tables and let someone else become the butt of the joke for once.

Following insults may hurt. Ambulance image.

Insulting and mean jokes: “you are so ugly”

You have a face only a mother can love.

You are so ugly; when your parents dropped you off at school, they got a fine for littering

If laughter was medicine, your face could cure leprosy.

Your face is so scary, it can bring an onion to tears.

From the millions of sperms possible, you were the winning one?

Looking at you, it’s clear that cosmetics were invented with you in mind.

Oh my, look at the state of your face! I haven’t seen something so gross since I used a public toilet and the person before neglected to flush.

You’re so hideous looking, you can scare the p00p out of a toilet.

Was it your intention to make yourself appear like a “before” picture?

Would you like to ​see something that is very scary? Find the nearest mirror!

Your beauty is priceless, no one would spend anything to look like you.

You’re so ugly, that when you waited for the school bus, you were at risk for being picked up by the garbage men.

You’re so ugly that the only dates you have a chance to have happen to have the same last name as you.

If opposites truly do attract. May you find someone who is attractive, smart and showers daily.

What’s the Plan B for your face when the baboon asks you to return their big b*tt?

You know what I call anyone who would date you? Blind.

graphic: Don’t be upset when think they recognize you and ask for your autograph. Frankenstein is very famous.

Your hair is so greasy that you should rent your head to McDonald’s to cook fries.

Insulting jokes: “perhaps you are not helpful”

I wouldn’t say your life is the most disastrous I’ve seen, but it’s in the Top 2!

There’s no “I” in team, but there’s a “U” in useless!

You’re the only person I know for sure I won’t I ​see in Heaven.

I hear that Hell has a vacant room with your name on it.

By all means, continue telling me your opinions. It’s common for me to nod off when I’m very interested.

Mean or insulting jokes about someone’s age: “you are so old”

I bet you’re old enough to recall when there were only 5 commandments.

Calculator image.

Old lady giving middle finger with both hands.

Insulting and mean jokes about someone’s intelligence

There are some people who must have taken a stupidity pill. You on the other hand overdosed.

You may have two parts of your brain, but even IKEA can’t help you do anything with those parts.

The best response from an idiot is to just say nothing.

It’s a good thing that your college degree allows you to freely demonstrate your stupidity.

If ignorance was a crime, you would have gotten the electric chair years ago.

How did you get into this company? Is it Bring Your Monkey To Work day?

Even if you doubled your IQ, you’d still be in the negative.

If I gave you a penny for every coherent thought you had, I could retire from the you’d end up owing me!

I bet your butt gets jealous of how much crap keeps coming from your mouth!

I promised myself to stop debating people with people who are intellect impaired.

Please don’t speak your mind, it decreases the average IQ of the human race.

Trust me, you’ll never be seen as intelligent if you keep opening your mouth.

You’re absolutely adorable they way you try to say intelligent things.

Mean jokes about love: “perhaps no one cares about you”

It’s not that I dislike you, but if you were on life support, I’d rush out and buy a pair of wire cutters.

I heard that your birth certificate came with a 30-day return option.

If your house was on fire and I was the only fireman in town, I’d call in sick.

Funny how my neck pain cleared up the moment you left the room.

I’m envious of anyone who’s never met you.

I do everything as great as I can. Meeting you was my greatest mistake.

A wife was depressed and said to her husband that she thought she should lose 50 lbs. and could really use a compliment. He replied “Your vision is 20/20”.

Hurting you was he last thing I ever wanted to do, but it’s rapidly moving up the list.

Jokes about someone’s size: you might also be too big?

Following in the footsteps of every obese woman is a gorgeous woman so please step aside because you are blocking her view.

If I looked like you, I’d be bitter too!

I hear that every time someone calls you a whale, you get crazy and great small children.

You’re lucky, all your calories go to your nose and not your brain.

You’re lucky trains don’t charge tickets based on body weight. Otherwise you would have to take out a 2nd mortgage.

Mean jokes: perhaps there is something else wrong about you

I’m beginning to understand you, I better have my doctor prescribe stronger drugs.

Man holding nose.

I’ve tracked down the messy situation. It started with your face.

Once you accept that you aren’t special, it will be easier to accept the disappointments.

With friends like you, I no longer need daytime soaps.

I heard that your mother was wearing heels and walking on thin ice the day your were born. I suppose you were always an accident waiting to happen.

The janitor said last night, he took out the trash. So how was the date?

You remind me of railroad tracks. You’ve been laid by men who are used to working with dirt.

Behaving like a c*ck doesn’t increase the size of your own so take a chill pill.

Perhaps it runs in the family

Use birth control. Take a lesson from your mother’s biggest error, get on the pill.

Want to know what position of making love results in having ugly kids? Ask your parents?

Family like cactus: full of pricks. Cactus image

I’m sure your mother is thrilled that you don’t have her last name. Ignorance never ran in her family.

I couldn’t possibly insult you as Mother Nature beat me to it.

After one hour with you, kidnappers would pay your family to come get you.

He wanted to give her the evil eye, but she had one thanks to her crossed eyed father.

Evolution has skipped some families. Evolution graphic.

I’d like to say you’re an idiot, but I have more respect to the village idiots who at least know they’re idiots.

The only reason I won’t kick your bottom is that I’d be charged with cruelty to animals.

Do you still believe in procreation despite the messages caused by your parents?

I wouldn’t say you had bad breath, but do you gargle with vomit?

They say whatever you don’t know cannot hurt you. Good for you, you are invincible!

Your face looks like a 5 alarm fire and instead of water they used a 2×4.

Millipede image.

Don’t take this personally, but why do I always attract fools?

It’s refreshing to see you finally start to care how you look in public.

I heard your parents made the same worse choice 3 times in a row. You did say you had 2 siblings right?

Bandaged man image.

You’re the reason euthanasia is on the rise.

Your opinion is as valuable as my lowest orifice.

When I was told you were in my family tree, I went out and bought a saw.

Every summer I would ​see people like just you thanks to the circus coming to town.

If you find this page helpful, please pin or share it :)