If you’re anything like us, then you can appreciate some dark humor or offensive jokes. Well, here we’re presenting you with some of the most disturbing, yet hilarious jokes about… that’s right, dead babies! So just take a deep breath and let us submerge you with the bl00d of these adorable little creatures. Don’t worry, it’s all in good fun!
WARNING: Some of the jokes on this page are not very tasteful. If you are easily offended, we recommend you read our chicken jokes instead.
You have been warned. Here we go:
How do you get 50 babies into a Tupperware bowl?
With a blender.
How do you get them out again?
With corn chips.
What sits in the kitchen and keeps getting tinier and tinier?
A baby combing its hair with a carrot peeler.
What does a stray dog call a baby in the garbage bin?
What’s the difference between a fine art student and a [email protected] baby?
The [email protected] baby is actually capable of feeding a family of four.
What’s more nauseating than a barrel full of [email protected] babies?
Finding a live one at the bottom eating its way out.
If a tree falls on a baby in the forest and no one’s around to hear it, is it still the funniest thing that happened that day?
What’s the best thing about [email protected] baby jokes?
There’s no chance they’d ever get old.
My friend didn’t laugh when I told her my [email protected] baby joke.
I guess she had to be there to get it.
What’s the worst thing about killing a baby?
Getting bl00d on your clown suit.
(Good thing bl00d blends well with the design of the suit though!)
What’s the difference between 50 [email protected] babies and a Tesla?
I don’t have a Tesla in my garage.
What sits still in the corner of the room and is as black as the day of doom?
A baby with its finger in the power socket.
What do you get when you put a baby in the oven?
How do you save a drowning baby?
You take your foot off its head?
What do you do if it’s still drowning?
You harpoon it.
Why is a [email protected] baby better than a prostit*te?
Because you don’t have to pay the [email protected] baby afterward.
How many dead babies do you need to change a lightbulb?
Considering that the light in my basement is still broken, I’d say definitely more than 12.
Okay, seriously now, how many dead babies do you need to change a lightbulb?
It depends on how high your ceiling is…
What’s the difference between babies and cupcakes?
Cupcakes don’t scream when you put them in the oven.
What’s cold, blue and motionless?
The baby in my freezer.
What does my 90-year-old grandpa and my 4-month-old baby have in common?
They’re both fun to throw out of a moving car.
What’s funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby wearing a clown costume.
What’s even funnier than that?
A clown wearing a dead baby costume.
What do you call it when you put a baby on a stick?
What do you call an armless, legless baby in the middle of the pacific ocean?
What gets louder as it gets smaller?
A baby thrown into a garbage truck compactor.
What’s red and keeps going in circles?
A baby dropped in the garbage disposal.
What’s the difference between a baby and a baseball?
I have no interest in hitting a baseball with a bat.
What has four wheels, smokes and squeals?
A burning bus full of babies.
What’s the best thing about a dead baby?
Not having to pay child support anymore.
How do you know if your baby is dead.
Your pets like playing with it more.
Ki11ing a baby is a lot like building a new porch.
You need to give it a good railing to finish it off.
What’s the difference between a baby’s eyes and marbles?
Marbles are a lot more crunchy.
A mother who has just given birth waits for the nurse to return so she can finally hold her precious baby.
After a few minutes, the nurse enters the room with the baby in her hands. She then throws the baby on the floor, stomps on its little head and kicks it out of the window. The mother horrifyingly screams “Nooo, my baby!”
The nurse looks at the woman and says “Sike! He was already dead!”
What’s the difference between a baby and a plastic bottle?
Setting a baby on fire emits way less carbon.
What’s the difference between a dead baby and co*aine.
Eric Clapton wouldn’t have let his baby fall out of the window if it was full of co*aine.
What’s harder than fitting a chopped up baby into a briefcase?
My di*k while I’m doing it.
How do you stop a baby from crawling around in circles?
Drill a nail into its other hand.
What’s black and charred?
A baby that took a bite out of an extension cord.
What’s more fun than shoveling dead babies off a highway?
Using a snowblower.
How many dead babies does it take to change a tire?
Two: one to prop up the car and one to replace it when it inevitably explodes.
What’s more fun than nailing the severed limbs of a baby to a tree?
Watching them as they rot.
What’s the difference between a baby and a trampoline?
I take my shoes off before I step on the trampoline.
Our pediatrician told us there’s no such thing as spoiling a baby.
So I left our newborn in the sun for 4 hours just to prove her wrong.
What bounces up and down at 200 mph?
A baby tied to the back of a Lamborghini.
What’s the epitome of revenge?
A baby crawling around the house with the family dog in its mouth.
How do you rescue a baby that’s falling down a manhole?
Put a javelin through its head.
And what do you call a dead baby’s head on a javelin?
Dead Baby Joke Videos
That’s right – dark humor doesn’t stop with text jokes unfortunately. We have selected for you the best (or worst?) video jokes:
Check out these jokes by comedian Steve Hofstetter:
34 more jokes told by Kermit the Frog (?!):