Being skinny has for a long time been the goal of countless people not just for health, but also for beauty. For some, it has become an obsession. There’s actually credible evidence that this obsession goes back to the Garden of Eden when Eve asked Adam if her fig leaf made her hips look wider. By coincidence, following Adam’s response came the first ever marriage counseling session.
Personally, I don’t understand the aesthetic angle of being skinny. When I see some skinny person’s rib cage showing, it does two things to me: 1. Makes me want to pick up some barbecue. 2. Reminds me to send my monthly payment to little Magumbo who I’ve been sponsoring for years.
Sure, some people are naturally skinny, but there are others who treat being skinny as some sort of talent or superpower to lord over others. But when is the last time the news showed some skinny person saving a life by carrying them out of a burning window? Or wrestling some wayward alligator roaming loose? It ain’t happening now or ever! Face it, the majority of skinny people are overlooked even though they do get themselves in all kinds of hilarious situations. We’ve gathered the funniest jokes and memes showing you that’s ok and even encouraged to laugh at these fat deprived members of society who we love.
***Please keep in mind that all the jokes on this page are meant to be in good fun. Let’s always appreciate and support each other. People come in a variety of shapes and sizes. Body positivity plays an important role in living a happy, healthy life.***
Best skinny jokes
***Human Trampoline***
Little Girl: Mommy, why did you bounce on Daddy’s tummy the other night?
Mother: If I don’t do it, Daddy’s big belly will get bigger. Bouncing helps him stay skinny.
Little Girl: I don’t think it will work mommy?
Mother: Why not?
Little Girl: Because Nanny Olga is always blowing him up when you are at work.
Why are skinny jeans like a cheap motel? There’s no “ball” room in sight.
After moving to Orlando, how did Caitlyn Jenner become so skinny? Florida recently banned trans fats.
What do you call a photo of a skinny feminist?
Photoshopped
***Female A$$ Research***
A recent study of women’s bottoms provided interesting information never shared:
40% of women believe their a$$ is too fat
10% of women believe their a$$ is too skinny
50% of women couldn’t care less because he’s a good provider and they still love him regardless of his bottom size.
***What’s Mine Is Yours***
A husband and wife were involved in a house fire resulting in serious burns on the man’s face. The man was too skinny for any grafts to be taken from his body so the wife suggested that they take it from her. The best place to take skin from her body was from her rear end. The operation was a complete success. The man looked better than ever. He was forever grateful what his wife did for him and asked how could he show his gratitude. She said, “No need honey, nothing gives me more pleasure now than seeing when your mother kisses you on the cheek!”
An obese man meets a skinny man.
Obese man: People see you and believe there’s not enough food to go around.
Skinny man: People see you and understand you’re the cause of it.
There was once a Dalai Lama who was very thin, didn’t like to wear shoes and didn’t care for mouthwash. He was a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
(supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!)
How can you boost the self-esteem of a skinny guy? By saying that he’s the perfect weight…for a newborn baby.
An obese guy and skinny guy meet.
Obese guy: I see you and I think of famine.
Skinny guy: I see you and I know who’s to blame.
***Let’s Talk About Biology ***
A teacher attempts to teach 3rd graders about the human body so she shows a drawing of the male reproductive organ and asks the class what is the drawing of.
Little Bobbie: “I know. My father has two.”
Teacher: “Really? How does he have two?”
Little Bobbie: “The skinny one comes out when he is in the toilet. The fat one comes out to brush my nanny’s teeth.”
What made the skinny guy stop going to the beach? His skeleton was always getting sunburned.
How can you tell when a skinny guy is getting smaller? He loses weight in his eyelids.
Why are very skinny guys in demand at medical schools? Because skeletons are always in need.
What do you call skinny people who think they’re obese? Trans Fats.
Why is Japan full of skinny people? The last time they had someone overweight, they lost two cities.
A pudgy man and a skinny man are at urinals next to each other.
Skinny man: Man, how long have you not seen your d*ck.
Pudgy man: It’s been years.
Skinny man: Then shouldn’t you diet?
Pudgy man: Oh my god, what color is it?
What makes whores stay skinny? They can burn 69 calories every 30 minutes!
The drowning swimmer was so skinny that they were able to save him by throwing him a Cheerio.
It was said that Napoleon was very skinny. For that reason, French people referred to him as Napoleon boney parts.
Fatty and skinny were lying in bed. Fatty lifted his belly and saw that skinny was dead.
How do you tell the difference between a skinny person and overweight person? It’s more difficult to kidnap an overweight person, but a skinny person is less valuable at the meat market.
***An Elevator Encounter***
A short, skinny Thai man steps into elevator. Across and towering over him is a tall, black man with muscles on every part of his body. The huge man notices that the Thai man continues to stare at him so he says: “6 ft. 5 in., 250 pounds, 15 inch penis, 2 pounds of testicles, Turner Brown. Just then, the Thai man faints. The black man then taps his face in order to revive him and asks, “Are you ok? I was just telling you the answers to the questions most people always want to know.” The black man then extends his hand. “Nice to meet you, Turner Brown.” The Thai man then gets a slight smile on his face and says, “Oh my god, I thought you said Turn around!”
One night, an overweight girl came home from college and went into the dark kitchen and ate all the noodles she could find. The next morning, the mother saw the visiting daughter and said that her younger sister was missing. “Is she still so skinny?” asked the girl. “Yes.” replied the mother. “Jesus Christ, I think I ate her. I thought the noodles were especially skinny.”
She’s so skinny that when she leans against a wall, she looks like a crack.
***Don’t Touch My Beer!***
A big strong guy comes into the bar, pats him on the back and gulps down the skinny guy’s beer. The little guy bursts out in tears.
Big guy: Calm down wimpy! I’ll buy you another beer
Skinny guy: This is my worse day ever! My wife is divorcing me, my company laid me off, I have no money. I have nothing to live for so I ran into traffic, but all the cars swerved and missed me. Then I bought a gun, but it jammed. I even tried to electrocute myself at home, but the power was cut off because I didn’t pay the bill. Finally, I used my last dollars to buy rat poisoning which I put in my beer and now you went ahead and drank it!
***You’re soooo skinny that…***
You’re so skinny that when you take a shower, you have to keep moving in order to get wet.
You’re so skinny that you can use lip balm as a deodorant.
You’re so skinny, that you can look with both eyes out the peephole.
You’re so skinny that from the side you look like a zipper whenever you stick out your tongue.
You’re so skinny that you only cast half a shadow.
You’re so skinny that everytime you swallow an aspirin, people think you’re pregnant.
You’re so skinny that every time someone nearby passes gas, the current blows you over.
You’re so skinny that your mom didn’t even notice that she had given birth.
You’re so skinny that you can walk through a door crack.
You’re so skinny that you use bracelets as belts.
How many skinny people can stand in the same shower? We’ll never know because they keep falling down the drain.
What do they call an audience full of skinny people? A thin crowd.
Life is like a box of bon bons. It will last longer with a skinny person than an obese person.
What do you call a skinny guy wearing a tuxedo? A formal toothpick.
An old man in Mississippi had a huge farm with a large pond. It was surrounded by apple and orange trees. He hadn’t been to the pond in a long time and one day he decided to go over to it and pick some fruit. As the pond came within sight, he saw a group of young women skinny dipping. They saw him and started screaming and trying to cover themselves up with their hands. The old man said, “Calm down, I’m not here to spy on you or make you leave while nude. I’m just here to check on the crocodiles and snakes!”
Why was the skinny guy afraid to wrestle the skeleton? Because compared to the skinny guy, the skeleton was morbidly obese.
Yo mama’s so skinny that a Cheerio is her hula hoop.
Yo mama’s so skinny that when it rains, she’s never hit by a raindrop.
The dieting cannibal followed the motto “You are what you eat”. For that reason, he started to only eat skinny people.
When single men have an appetite, they find something in the fridge and burn off the calories in bed. When married men go to bed, they lose their appetite and look for something else in the fridge.
What do you call it when a very thin person goes swimming? Skinny dipping.
What made the skinny guy start to lift weights? He wanted to build up his self-esteem.
There’s a saying that inside every obese person, some skinny person is looking to escape. Well, if that person is still alive, they’ve got some lawsuit ready to be filed. If they’re not alive, like food they will eventually be free. May God help the plumbing system!
What was the name of the skinny Chinese meteorologist? Light Ning.
Why was the orphan very skinny. Because he never experienced anything family size.
After dieting, what did the 0 proudly exclaim to 10? Now who’s the skinny one?
Why did the skinny guy stop going to the beach? People kept confusing him with driftwood and throwing him into the water.
