Here’s a collection of some of the best blonde jokes and memes that have been circulating around the internet. These trending jokes could be hilarious for you and we highly recommend sharing them with friends, family, and other relatives.
Important: always respect others. The jokes on this page are meant to be in good fun. Although humor can be enjoyable, it’s important to remember the importance of respect and inclusivity. Always be kind and do not use these jokes to make fun of others.
Best Blonde Jokes
A blonde woman goes to the local library and asks the librarian loudly: “Hi – I would like a Ranch salad, chips, and a soda please.” The librarian, confused, calmly says to the blonde: “I am sorry but you are in a library.” Blushing, the blonde then WHISPERS quietly: “oh… I am so sorry. I would like a Ranch salad, chips and a soda please.”
A blonde asks “What do the letters “IDK” mean?”
Friend response: “I don’t know.”
The blonde: “oh my god, nobody knows…”
*** Joke: the blonde who was asked to re-paint a porch ***
A man hires a blonde contractor to re-paint his porch. He shares that all the brushes and paint are in the garage. The blonde goes to the garage to get all the supplies and start the job. About an hour later, the blonde knocks on the door and shares that she is done painting the porch. “Are you already done? wow, that was fast!” says the man, quite impressed.
The blonde responds “Yes, it’s all done, and there was enough paint for two coats.” The man thanks her profusely. The blonde adds “Oh, and by the way, it’s not a Porsche, it was a Ferrari”.
*** Blonde at the Cheeseburger Stand ***
A man goes to a food truck and sees the menu:
He asks the gorgeous woman working in the truck “are you the one doing the handjobs”. “Yes” responds the blonde very suggestively.
The man responds: “Well, could you please wash your hands? I would like a cheeseburger.”
At the office, a blonde’s computer had technical issues. I wonder why.
*** Joke: a blonde in first class ***
A blonde woman flies to Los Angeles. Even though she only purchased an economy ticket, she decides to sit in an empty business class seat. A flight attendant politely asks her to move back to economy. The blonde responds: “I’m young and attractive, I’m flying to LA, and I want to be in first class. Sorry but I’m not moving.”
… The flight attendant talks to her boss. The boss calmy responds: “I have dated many blondes, and I know exactly what to say”. He peacefully walks up the blonde and asks her to move. He kindly whispers something to her. The blonde quickly takes her bags and returns to economy.” Surprised, the flight attendant asks “what did you tell her???”. The boss responds “It is easy. When she said she was flying to LA, I told her “Absolutely. But you see, first class is NOT going to Los Angeles. Only the economy class is.”
*** Blondes Conference ***
40,000 blondes meet in a football stadium for a “Blondes Are Not Stupid” event. During the first show, a blonde asks another blonde a math question to show everyone that blondes can do maths: “What’s thirty plus twelve?” The blonde thinks for a minute and timidly responds: “forty?” The entire audience of 40,000 blondes screams “Give her another chance! Give her another chance!” The show organizer hesitantly agrees and asks the blonde another question… but this time really, really easy: “What’s two plus two?”. The blonde thinks again and whispers “Four?”. Suddenly all together the 40,000 blondes in the audience scream again: “Give her another chance! Give her another chance!”
*** Guessing a blonde’s age ***
A man tells a blonde that he can tell her age just by fondling her b00bs. The blonde believes none of it, and says “ok, then go ahead and we will see if you can guess my age”. So, the man fondles the blonde, and says “Hmm… you are 25 years old”. The blonde responds “uh-uh, nope. You are wrong. I’m not 25. Try again…”
A young girl comes back from her 1st-grade class and proudly shares with her her mother: “Mom, at school, I was the only student who was able to count to 30!” The mother replies: “Well done. That’s because you’re blonde.”
The next day, the girl returns from school and again proudly shares an accomplishment with her mother: “Today, I was the only student who could sing the entire alphabet without a mistake”. The mother responds again “Well done. That’s because you’re blonde.”
The following day, the girl comes back from school and shares “Mom, today after class, we measured our chests and mine was the largest. Is that because I’m blonde?”.
The mother responds: “No sweetie, that’s because you’re 18 years old”.
Why couldn’t the blonde keep her job at the M&Ms factory?
Because she kept putting the Ws in the defect bin.
*** Jokea bout a young blonde woman coming out of the closet ***
A young blonde woman is about to tell her parents that she is gay. She feels very nervous as she has tried to hide it for years, and she is concerned her parents will reject her. But she thinks it’s time to come out. At diner, she musters her courage and says: “I have something very important to tell you, but I first need you to promise that you will not reject me”. The parents, a bit surprised and worried, respond: “Ok, sure, what’s going on?”. The blonde reveals “I’ve been hiding it for years, but I’m a lesbian”.
“Well, you know that is ok with us, honey…” responds her mom.
“Why would you even think we would reject you???” says her other mom.
A man thinks that her car’s blinker is not working. He asks her blonde friend to check it out. The blonde goes around the car and reports: “It’s not always working. On, off, on, off, on, off….”
*** A blonde & the US States ***
One day a blonde gets tired of hearing all these jokes making fun of blonde women. She decides to go learn all of the US states’ capitals.
The next day, a man starts telling a blonde joke. She interrupts him proudly, “I am getting a little tired of these blonde jokes. I want you to know that I went home yesterday and in only 1 night did something that you are probably not even able to do. I memorized all of the state capitals.”
The man responds: “Ok, let’s see it. What is the capital of Nevada?”
“N,” answered the blonde.
Why did a blonde start wearing so much hair gel? So that she could finally catch everything that went over her head.
*** Blonde visiting jail ***
A blonde visits her boyfriend in jail.
She comes out fuming and tells the jail officer:
“You should NOT ask my boyfriend to do so much work… it’s NOT fair!”
Puzzled, the jail officer responds: “but he literally does nothing all day…”
“Oh yeah?” responds the blonde “and how do you think he just built that tunnel under his bed??”
A blind man arrives at a bar and orders a drink. He asks the bartender, “Do you want to hear a good blonde joke?”. The bar becomes a bit silent and a blonde woman leans to the blind man and politely says “Be careful, you should know that the bartender is a blonde, I’m a 6 foot tall blonde, and a few feet away from you is another blonde woman. Now… are you still sure that you want to tell a blonde joke?” The blind man thinks about it and shakes his head: “Ok, no…. you are right. I won’t tell the joke. Not if I’m going to have to explain it three times.”
*** Knocking at the door ***
A blonde mom and her blonde daughter are in the kitchen cooking together. The daughter asks her mom: “Why do people think that blondes are not very smart?”
Her mom replies, “Let me show you. And she knocks three times on a wooden kitchen cabinet door”.
The blonde daughter, confused, says, “Someone’s at the door!”. The blonde mom laughs and says “See… this is why people think we’re stupid…. Now please keep an eye on the stove for me while I go answer the door.”
A blonde goes into the Emergency Room, panicked. She tells the doctor that everything she touches on her body hurts. The doctor then have a quick look at her, and responds “Your finger is broken.”
A blonde just accepted a new position as a sports teacher in high school.
During soccer practice, she sees a boy standing on the filed all alone while the other kids are running around after the ball.
She asks him: “How is it going?”
“It’s going ok”, the boy responds a bit surprised.
“Do you want to go over there and play soccer with the others?”, the blonde asks.
“No, I think it’s best if I stay here”, the boy responds.
“and why is that?” asks the blonde.
The boy, astonished, responds: “Because I’m the goalkeeper!”
Four blondes walk into a building at the same time.
At least one of them should have seen it.
*** Blonde working in a funeral home 😂 ***
A new widow discusses the logistics of her husband’s burial with a funeral home employee – an attractive blonde woman: “My husband is wearing a black suit… I know the wake is this afternoon, but I would love to see him in a white suit during the wake. It would mean a lot to me.” The blonde response “Sure, I will see what we can do.” A few hours later at the wake, the widow compliments the blonde: “I see that you have managed to find a white suit for him, I’m very grateful. How did you do it on such short notice?”. The blonde responds “We got a bit lucky. Just after you left, a deceased man came in with a white suit, and he was exactly your husband’s size. His wife was ok if her husband was wearing a black suit during the funeral, so I just went ahead and switched the heads.”
A blonde calls up a travel company and asks, “How long is a flight from LA to New-York?”
The customer service rep responds: “Just a minute.”
The blonde then says, “Wow, that’s quick. Well, thanks, that’s all I needed to know.”
How can you make a blonde climb on the roof of a bar? You can just tell her that drinks are on the house tonight.
What do blondes do when their phones freeze? They microwave them.
Two women went to the basement, but the light bulbs were out. The first woman commented “It’s quite dark in here, isn’t it?” The Blonde replied “I don’t know. I can’t see.”
Why couldn’t the blonde add 12 and 5 using a calculator? She could not find the “12” key.
Great blonde joke on Reddit:
Two bored male casino dealers are waiting at the craps table. A very attractive blond woman arrives and bets $20,000 on a single roll of the dice
by u/quaninter in Jokes
Two blondes take a walk in a park in LA on a clear night, and admire the full moon. The first blonde asks “Which is further: New-York, or the Moon?” The second blonde responds “Well, I can’t even see New-York, so…”
Did you hear about the power outage in the city today? Three blonds were stuck on an escalator for hours.
A woman comes back from a vacation in Brazil and tells her blonde friend “This vacation was a little wild… I ended up sleeping with two Brazilian men”. The blonde, suddenly interested responds “Wow. This many? Wait… how many is a Brazilion?”
A blonde drove to Disneyland. As she gets closer, she sees a sign “Disneyland Left”. So she became upset and went back home disappointed.
What do you call a fly inside a blonde’s head?
A Space Invader.
18 blondes went into a bar but ended up walking away. Why? There was a sign “You need to be 21 to enter”.
Why did a blonde keep empty bottles at home? Just in case she invites friends who don’t drink.
How do you light up a blonde’s eyes? You shine a flashlight into her ears.
A blonde ended up in a terrible helicopter accident but survived. The police officer asked what happened and the blonde responded: I got cold up there, so I just turned the fan off.
Why do blonde women wear underwear?
To keep their ankles warm.
How can you tell that a blonde was trying to make chocolate chip cookies?
There were chocolate chips all over the floor.
A blonde ran with the bike because she thought it was going too fast to get on it.
Why do blondes sometimes use green lipstick?
Because red means “stop”.
How do you keep a blonde at home?
You build a circular driveway.
A blonde gets caught speeding by the police officer. She didn’t realize what the “speedometer” meant.