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So my friend has been thinking about a new name for a few days now. He finally decided to call himself Juan and to run away to Mexico.

The US President hears that the largest manufacturing facility for condoms in the US is no longer functional for a full month. His advisers inform him that there is only …

Friend A: Do you like Imagine Dragons? Friend B: It’s not bad. Friend A: Well, imagine draggon Deez Nuts all over your face.

Friend A: Hey do you smell something? Friend B: hmm no Friend A (looking puzzled): you can’t smell deez nuts?

What does Woodyou mean in Chinese? Woodyou mind licking deez nuts?!

Friend A (holding a lot of envelopes and stamps): hey can you help me for a minute and lick that? Friend B: lick what? Friend A: lick deez nuts!

Friend A: ok, really quick… what’s 4×2? Friend B: 8 Friend: would you like to 8 deez nuts?

Friend A: Do you know which nuts got bad ratings? Friend B: hmm? Friend A: Deez nuts

Friend A: Do you want to see bofa? Friend B: What’s bofa? Friend A: Bofa deez nuts!